𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕔𝕚𝕥𝕪 - Johnny Cade

2. Aftershock

For a week after the funeral, I didn't do anything. I took a break from work, didn't step out of the house, and just lay awake in bed. It was lonely, and strange to hear the outside world operate just fine through my window. It's like time had just stopped for me but everyone else was still going. 

And on days where I felt especially alone, I'd be over at the Curtis' house, but I needed to mourn in private- I thought it might come off as selfish if I were the one weeping over parents who weren't even mine. I tried not to imagine just what Darry, Soda, and Pony were feeling...

So for those seven days, I bummed around the house that was, ironically, not so much of "home" as Pony's place was. It was like discovering it for the second time, and noticing things that I hadn't before, like that all the cabinets had mismatched knobs. A few of the boys dropped by, Steve with some chocolate cake and awkward condolences, Two-bit cause "At times like such, Mickey Mouse mustn't be watched alone.", Dal because he needed to crash somewhere that wasn't over at the Curtis', and for each of the seven days, Johnny.

The first day of the seven was an overcast Wednesday, and I was in the midst of commanding myself not to dare shed a tear. But then there was a timid knock at the door, so throwing over a flannel, I hurried to see who it was. 

Peering through the peep hole, I first caught glimpse of a denim jacket- Johnny. He was shivering and the rain had undone the grease in his hair. I hastily undid the locks and fumbled to open the door.

"Johnny?! Heaven's sake man, get in, get in!" I ushered him through the door and sat him down at the sofa. After fetching a towel from the bathroom, I dried him off and wrapped him up with a near-by throw.

"So, what brings you here?" I dragged a wooden stool from behind me and sat down in front of him.

Johnny took a moment to wipe the rain off the tip of his nose. He gave me a calculating stare. "Have you been crying?"

Momentarily, I tensed up. "What? No!" I was alarmed at how phony my laugh came out as I threw my head back.

He only sat staring as if the heat of his gaze would melt me down to the truth.

The smile on my face weakened, and my eyes dove down to my lap where my fingers picked at the fray on my jeans.

"Really, Johnny. I'm fine." A lump rose in my throat because I knew he wasn't buying it and here I was, continuing to lie to his face. But without another word or accusation, he just engulfed me in his embrace, bringing my head to his chest. I tried to giggle.

"Aw, man, why would I  be crying, huh? I've got thick skin, you know that."

"Cause you got every right to, that's why." I didn't believe it, to be honest. I only leeched off of them and caused them the extra worry. Then it really started to sink in, the feeling I'd been trying to avoid. The reality that was that I didn't belong to them, nor them to me. My real parents didn't want me... I wasn't wanted from the start... 

I unraveled myself from the boy, hesitantly, then quickly stood up and cleared my throat. I didn't want to get anywhere near sentimental with Johnny, not when he faced so much more than I ever would in a lifetime. It felt almost selfish to mope around in the arms of such a poor soul who'd come around with a new bruise every few days. Meanwhile, I examined my arms and legs: they were clear from any battery. I exhaled heavily and slowly sunk back down into my seat.

"It just... Ain't fair, that's all."

He nodded. "I know." I watched as he combed through his hair with his finger tips, and wished I could tell him that I wasn't talking about me.

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For an entire week after the first, Johnny visited and either fixed me a sandwich, dropped off a pack of Kools, or spent the night on the couch.

Thinking back, I wouldn't have managed if he wasn't there to drag me out of bed to eat something. I would've starved myself otherwise. And of course, there were the other boys.

It was the fifth day when Dally came bustin' in from a tussle with Tim Shepherd- he'd dislocated his jaw.

Me an' Johnny were in front of the TV after a breakfast of toast and eggs when the front door swung open and clattered against the wall it'd hit.

It was Dally. He squinted around the room for a bit, then grinned when he caught sight of the two of us.

"Hey, lil Johnny getting busy?" He wiggled his brows suggestively. I rolled my eyes and turned off the television. 

"Shut up Dal." I muttered, and from the corner of my eye, Johnny had turned beet red so I pretended not to notice. I got up. "Well, what happened this time?" Any time Dally came crashing into the house, it meant he'd gotten into some sort of pickle and needed help.

He jerked his head to the side and lazily motioned to his jaw. There was a fresh, purple bruise where the bone ended in a sharp check.

"Tim got fancy with me an' his fist after I tried his girl at Buck's last night. The prick clipped me real hard, might've derailed my entire jaw." Then he had the audacity to cackle as if he was up for a round 2.

Johnny groaned from behind as I made my way over to the fridge. "Honestly man, you kinda deserve it," then he added in a mumble, "and more..."

Dally made a lunge for him and ruffled his hair in a headlock. "I don't wanna hear a thing from you, got it dipshit?" Johnny yelped for help as Dally proceeded to noogie the living daylight out of him. I shook my head and laughed to myself.

"Boys.."

"So kids, what are y'all doin together this morning?" Dally asked, pressing a cold coke that I'd fetched him, to his bruise.

"Don't, get any ideas." I warned to his dismay. 

"Brandy needed me to keep her busy." Johnny told him. Dallas' smirk returned.

"Explain."

"Well, you see, she's been weeping all blessed week-" I cut him short with an elbow to the ribs. The last thing I fancied was Dallas Winston on my case for crying (which, I wasn't) and Johnny was really closing in on it.

Dally's brows furrowed. "You been weepin'? Over what?"

I glared over at Johnny. He shrugged apologetically. "I wasn't crying, I was mourning. You know, over Mr. and Mrs. Curtis..." I corrected through gritted teeth. But I softened up at the very mention of the folks, and the atmosphere scored a new low.

We were all quiet for some time, I guessed that maybe I'd underestimated how others apart from myself perceived the sudden loss. Golly, why'd I only think about myself all the time?

Johnny broke the silence, clearing his throat subtly, "Think I'm gonna step out for a smoke." Dally and I got up too but I needed a moment. I stared off into the floorboards.

Dally, rather awkwardly clapped my shoulder. "Hey, listen kid. You're hard n' tough, am I right? Don't let it get to ya." And then he left to join Johnny out front. 

I thought, right, get a grip. They're not your parents, they're not your parents, they're not your parents. They never were, so stop acting like you lost something. 

But it's never really that easy, is it? Pretending you really believe what you tell yourself.

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Well, that was that. I'm hoping the chapters will pick up wind as they progress, so nothing other than character development has been happening so far... fun :/

- Isabella