Let me love you

Chapter 40

Chloe's P.O.V

I trace my lips with my fingertips, remembering how Ian's lips felt against mine.

The softness of his lips mixture with the roughness of his fingertips against my jaw. It was a hungry, passionate kiss, a kiss from someone finally giving in to his desire after holding back for so long.

It felt magical. 

I didn't want that kiss to stop, I wanted to continue attaching my lips to his for the rest of my life.

I haven't been kissed like this ever before in my life, his kiss was one of a kind. No one has left me completely breathless after a kiss before him. No one has ever left me speechless with just a kiss.

I can still feel his lips on mine even after 5 days. That's how long it has passed since then. 

That's how long ago it's been since I last talk to him as well.

After the kiss, Ian didn't say a word to me.

We rode the bus in absolute silence, and we stayed in it to this day.

I tried knocking on his balcony door but never got a response. I tried texting and calling him, but he hasn't replied either.

On the one hand, I can understand that he might need some time to process things, I mean this was his first kiss at the end of the day and it wasn't with someone he was dating but with his close friend.

On the other hand, I'm worried that he regretted it and that's the last thing I want him to feel, regret. I don't want him to think of that kiss as a mistake, if he views it that way it would break me.

When I started having feelings for him I wasn't really sure if they will develop into something deeper than just attraction, but now I know. I really like Ian and I can only hope he feels the same way. I mean, he was the one that initiated the kiss, so he must be feeling something towards me.

You don't usually just grab and kiss your friend with that much passion. Ian though has never felt these emotions, he has never been in a relationship and he has never done anything sexual before. This could have just been a thing of the moment. We were physically close so maybe it was just that, maybe it was just the horny guy in him.

Should I tell him how I feel? What if he friendzone me? Can I handle the rejection? I remove my fingertips from my lips only to take my bottom one in between my teeth. I turn to my back so I'm facing the ceiling and play with the bottom of my shirt.

You know what? I don't care!

Whatever the result is, I just don't want that to make things awkward between us and having that lead to our friendship falling apart. Even if he doesn't feel the same, I want us to overlook my feelings and continue just like we were beforehand like nothing happened.

My phone lights up interrupting my train of thoughts. I grab it quickly, hoping that it's Ian when I see that I have a text message. My hope died just as fast as it started though as the message is not from him but from Jacob.

What could Jacob want this late at night?

I open the message and relax back in my bed to read it.

"Hey Chloe, I hope I'm not bothering you, I know it's a bit late. I have wanted to ask you something for quite some time now and I forgot to do it yesterday so, I'm doing it now. Do you want to go out with me? You don't have to think about this as a date I just want to hang out with just you. You don't have to answer me immediately, take your time xx" -J

Fuck! I need to figure out what to do about Jacob as well. What do I say now? I don't want to flat-out reject him, especially over a text message, but I don't want to raise his hopes up either.

I don't like Jacob in that way, but he's a good guy that could potentially make me fall for him in the future if Ian doesn't reciprocate my feelings.

I don't want to see Jacob though as a way to get over my feelings for Ian. If I was to end up in a relationship with Jacob, I want it to be because I truly like him and have eyes for him only.

Shit, what do I do? Who can I ask for advice? I feel like my friends could be biased because Jacob is their friend as well, and they don't know Ian almost at all. Plus, who's to quarantine that their advice is one I should follow or not?

I shake my head and put my phone back on my bedside table as I turn on my side facing my balcony door.

This is something I need to figure out on my own.

At the end of the day, no one knows what's best for me but myself, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. My feelings are the ones being laid out on the table.

First, I need to talk with Ian as soon as possible. I have to let my feelings out and I have to know what he feels towards me. Depending on how that goes and what's going to be the outcome of that conversation, I'll talk with Jacob as well from up close. 

These aren't conversations that should happen through the phone.

If Ian doesn't see me that way then I would bury my feelings for him and give Jacob a chance, I think he deserves that at least. If Ian though does feel the same, then I'll talk with Jacob and I'm sure he'll understand. 

I mean I haven't really been reciprocating any feelings towards him, so he must have an idea that I may not be as interested as he is.

I'll try to talk with Ian tomorrow and go from there.

I'm really hoping that he won't push me away. 

A/N

Seems like someone is hiding but not for long...👀

Do you think Ian will push her away?
Or will he give in?

Hope you enjoyed and stay tuned for tomorrow's chapter to see what will happen between the two!

Feel free to comment & vote ❤️

I hope you have a nice day/night! Xx

All the love - M ❤️