My trans ftm journey

2/7/21

Sooooo, I hate my life

Dysphoria has been hitting me really hard this past week

Anyways my birthday is in 2 days and the only thing I want is to be a boy.

Why is coming out so hard, my parents already know I like girls and their kinda disappointed. I know it's going to be harder for me to come out when I'm older, maybe I should just do it. My parents would never beat me or kick me out, so why am I so scared of how they are going to react, they make fun of me all the time and I know that's never gonna change. I'm even scared to come out to my friend who is also trans. 

Looking at my body in the mirror makes me wanna throw up. I can't stand it. It makes me wanna cry and rip out my hair. 

Anywayssss who do y'all think I should come out to first

Choice 1: Brother. 65% chance he's transphobic. Sometimes blackmails you with your secrets. Said the n word and f slur a few times. kinda trustworthy except the blackmail.

Choice 2: Sister. Probably doesn't know what trans means. Trustworthy. Kinda judgmental with lgbt people. Is the type of person that doesn't feel comfortable around lesbians.

Choice 3: little Cousin. Told her I liked girls and she was just like what!?! 15% chance transphobic. Didn't tell anybody I liked girls. Doesn't really have an opinion on lgbtq.

Choice 4: Older cousin. Suspected he was gay. 30% chance transphobic. Said the f slur. Has great music taste. Has a gay friend. Cool.