life's confessions

catching feels

|karen's pov| A little over 18 years ago i nearly lost my life. I went in for a simple procedure but one problem led to another and it ended up with me in a coma for almost a month.

What I failed to tell my family was that ever since then I haven't been the same.. yes I'm grateful for a second chance but it was different now. I'm not as happy as I used to be.. it probably wouldn't be as troubling if my mom was here. But like she said "God has the final say"

I am grateful for my husband and two wonderful kids and grandkids. They were my world.. my motivation to keep it pushing but sometimes I needed a break.

If I'm not singing with my sisters I'm up at the church. If I'm not at the church I'm at home getting work done. Today is my first day I've had off in a couple of months. I intended on laying around all day but that was interrupted.

"Karen sweetie I need your help down here" my husband drew called from downstairs. Taking a deep breath before I got up i headed downstairs there wasn't no telling what was about to happen.

"What is it drew?" I asked dryly .. annoyed that I was interrupted. "Do i look alright?" He asked me standing in the big mirror located in the guest room. "Always" i assured him leaving a kiss on his cheek.

"What's wrong karen.. I know you like the back of my hand. What's going on" I usually told Drew everything and the fact that he knew something was up without me saying anything did something to me. Upstairs I did get lost in my thoughts.

I'm a big over thinker.. something I have yet to break out of. All the emotions I had trapped inside came spilling out. "Karen baby no don't do that" he said softly placing both hands on my cheeks. "I'm sorry" I managed to whisper out between my sobs.

"No don't apologize karen it's fine. Do I need to stay home?" He asked genuinely concerned. "No it's okay go on .. I do have something I need to bring to your attention when you get home."

Tonight would be the night that I would let Drew know what has been bothering me for such a long time now. I know I shouldn't have let it get this far but I did. There's no going back now.

"Alright, just take it easy for me alright?" He asked looking me in my eyes. "I'll try" i said "no you will" Drew said sternly while gathering his things to go up to the church. He kissed me goodbye and with that he was out the door.

I stood there looking at the door for about 10 minutes before picking up my feet and heading into the kitchen. Lord knows I didn't want to eat but I had medicine to take and I refuse to lose grasp of my good health.

I looked in the refrigerator and grabbed the carton of eggs so I could make a omelet and take my medicine. Something quick and easy... nothing much.

I went to where the bowls , pots and pans were and grabbed all I needed. I cracked the eggs in the bowl and added all the necessary ingredients so it wouldn't be bland. "I don't see how white people do it" I said to myself.

After five minutes of humming and singing I was now sitting at the dining room table eating and watching 'the word network' in hopes to bring up my spirit.

I sat there and watched as my brother from another mother Donnie McClurkin ministered to me through the screen. He had always been such a sweetheart.

I gathered my plate and cup that was once filled with water and headed in the kitchen to take my vitamins and daily supplements so I could get started with my day that consisted of laying around all day.. maybe straightening up around the house.

I was headed upstairs when my phone started ringing. I lifted my phone from my side and looked to see who it was and accepted the call.

"Hey baby" i said happy to hear from my oldest. "Heey mommy what you up to?" She asked. She'd always been nosy just like her daddy. "Nothing really .. I'm just taking it easy today I have nothing planned so far."

"Well remind me to run something pass you, daddy and j alright?" She asked. "Lord what is she getting into?" I thought to myself before responding with an okay. "Alright bye ma" she said from the other end. "bye bye" i said before ending the phone call and finished going up the stairs.

I entered into my room and went straight for the bathroom. "Okay imma just take a nice bath and think things through" I said out loud to myself while I carefully adjusted the water temperature making sure it wasn't to hot.

I poured my dr.teals bubble bath in and went out to do what i needed to do before i got in "Alexa turn on my calm playlist" I told the alexa that my grand babies got me for my birthday.

I stripped from all my clothes and stepped foot into the tub full of warm water. I sat and thought about everything that's been going on. About how i would lay this all out for my family to know.

Overall I'm a happy person it's just the moments when I'm alone and i have no one to talk to. I don't have a lot of wiggle room due to the fame God has blessed me with.

I loved my supporters.. they're my babies even if I don't know them name by name. They don't have to support little ole me but they do anyways and I'll forever be grateful.

After some thinking and messing with the bubbles in the bath I figured how I would let my husband know what's been up with me.

I decided I'd been in the water long enough my fingers looked like raisins. I got out the tub and my feet were met with the cold marble floor. I went to the shower and turned it on hot just like I liked it.

I washed up quickly and got out and wrapped myself up in the robe i got a while back... I told Alexa to pause the music and decided now was a great time to lay down and catch up on 'unsolved mysteries'

I looked down from the tv and looked over to my right where my night stand was at and looked at the clock that read 6:34.

"Ain't no way I just sat here for that long-" I checked to see how many episodes I watched I had sat here and watched almost two seasons.

"Lord have m-" I was cut off by the sound of the garage open. I quickly stood to my feet and threw on a oversized shirt cause I knew how he was. I quickly gathered myself for what I was about to tell for the first time.