life's confessions

heated

|deaja| i still laid here with my whole body in pain.. I felt so numb. Words can't really explain the feeling that I feel. I just feel myself slipping away.

I laid awake the whole night crying and staring at the ceiling feeling my whole world come crashing down on top of me.

It was about nine o'clock but I didn't feel like moving a muscle... I just felt like a sick person. Like I've been hit with a bus or something.

I heard a knock on the door triggering me I jumped up and held my breath until I heard  footsteps trail down the stairs and a pause indicating someone stopped in their tracks.

|karen| i went downstairs cause i haven't heard from deaja all morning. Something was a little off but I didn't want to jump to conclusions.

"Dee baby what's the matter, you up?" I asked at the sight of a body under the covers. She rolled over face swollen and all.

"I'm not but I'm about to, I'm sorry" she said softly. "I just wanted to check on you." I said before walking over to place a kiss on her forehead.

I made my way upstairs to call dorinda to run it past her.. in such short time her and dee became close as ever so maybe she had the answer.

-one week later-

|karen| i sat in the car going back home from practice. me and doe had a talk after and now i was rushing home praying and hoping i wasn't to late.

I put the car in park before turning it off and ran inside dropping my things at the door running to to door of the basement.

I flew down the steps to the sight of deaja sitting in the corner with a bottle of open pills. I walked slowly to where she sat and reached out to touch her but all she did was flinch.

"Deaja baby what's going on?" I asked sitting down beside her. Dorinda told me that something a long these lines was happening I'm glad I got here when I did.

"Nothing." Is all deaja said above a whisper. Shaking my head I grabbed her arm and stood her up making her look me in my eyes.

"Look me in my eyes and tell me nothing is wrong." I said waiting for her to do so. She looked at me and burst into tears.

My heart breaking right then and there I grabbed her and gave her a hug still not knowing what was going on.

"Come upstairs with me in your uncles study okay?" I asked her and she nodded her head yes. We went upstairs and into the study.

"Hey the-" Drew started but stopped when he saw the look on both of our faces. "Take a seat" he said and we did.

I looked over and gave her the floor to speak on what's really bothering her. She wasn't her usual joyful peaceful self. We could tell by the look in her eyes.

"I've been trying to find the most easy way to tell you this but every way I come up with doesn't make sense to me... how am I supposed to tell my family I got raped?" She said shortly after tears flowing down her face.

"YOU WHAT?" Drew's voice boomed as he slammed his hand against the desk. Dee shot her head down immediately.

I just couldn't believe what came out her mouth... "dee you what?" I asked cause maybe.. just maybe I misunderstood what she said.

"I got raped aunty." She said. I looked up to Drew being out of his seat with his back facing us. "Honey when?" I asked.. not that it mattered but something else had to had been up.

"Last week" She said quickly. I shot my head around looking at her speechless. "How, when?" I asked cause she was with me through out that whole day up until-" then it hit me.

"I was in the room fixing my things up when jared came to the door, i let him in and things got a little heated.. he choke slammed me into the bed and forced himself on me" She explained going into detail.

"Baby i-" the tears came out.. I swear I was trying to contain it but my heart shattered more at the thought of her going through that. By now Drew walked out the study and it was just us two.

"Why didn't you say something earlier?" I asked trying to make sense of all of this. "Because how do I just tell that.. the amount of blood I lost, I should've been hospitalized but i didn't wanna say anything.." she started.

"I was just scared that you would've sent me back if I had told you." She said and i took her by the hand.

"Don't ever think that again, you won't be going back as long as I'm alive walking this earth.. alright?" I asked hoping she heard what I said. "Yes ma'am" was her response.

"Do you wanna go to the police about it or what? It's up to you" I said not sure on how to proceed after receiving news such as this.

"I've been giving it some thought and I just don't want that kind of attention." She said and i nodded my head hearing her loud and clear.

Drew came back into the study and leaned up against his desk. "I'm sorry for reacting that way... it's just so disgusting how someone could do such a thing." He said and i couldn't agree more.

"Dee what were you doing with that bottle of pills?" I asked her. "You want the honest truth?" She asked.. "yes I want nothing less" I stated nodding telling her to go on.

"I was about to take the bottle.. I've been in such a dark place since then. I just feel disgusting and I feel like it was my fault and-" that's where I cut her off.

"First of all it is not your fault.. don't ever let me hear that come out of your mouth." I said sternly. "I'm sorry" she said in a soft tone.

"No I'm sorry.. I should've known something was up." I said blaming myself I felt horrible. "Well is it okay if we pray for you?" I asked her hoping she didn't decline. She did the opposite of that so we got to praying.

After thirty minutes of interceding on her behalf I went through the rundown questions. "Does anything feel off in your body?" I asked at the fear of her being pregnant or catching something from that monster.

"No I just remember me throwing up everything I had inside me a few minutes after it happened.. and i saw a lot of blood." She stated.

That all sounded normal and I asked her if she was sure she didn't want to go to the hospital. Her answer still remaining the same I just sat there. now in the living room holding her in my arms.

"I know someone who can talk to you." I said after sitting in pure silence. "Who's that?" She asked. "Your aunt dorinda.. trust me. She's the one" I said showing great faith in my sister.

We sat, cried and talked for a couple hours but it was getting late. Still scared of what she might be capable of i made her get in the shower while I sat watching her.

"Auntie is this really necessary?" She asked pouting looking at me through the glass shower door. "Yes, I had to check to see if anything was wrong anyways... we got the same body parts calm down" I said shaking my head.

She got out the shower and put on some clothes.  I took the opportunity and I get in her bed and wait for her. She turned around and saw me laying there.

"You finna sleep with me too?" She asked and I nodded playfully patting the opposite side of the bed. She got in and as soon as her head hit the pillow she was out.

I laid caressing the side of her face feeling my eyes get heavy. "I love you my baby.. and no disgusting man can change that." I said before drifting off to sleep.