life's confessions

reason

                           *flash back*
-December 15th 2016-

|deaja| "ma how was work?" I asked walking into the kitchen. It was my last day of school before we went into winter break.

"It was good baby, how was the winter party?" She asked me looking up from her scrolling on facebook. "It was good, they played the same three songs tho" I replied looking around the kitchen for something to eat.

"Your school is weird doop, they seem dry" she said jokingly. "Ma i been done told y'all that, ion know why y'all insisted on me going to that private school" I hated the school with a passion.

My parents put me in because of the amount of bullying i was put through. I was always fighting at the public school but I didn't care.

I walked into the living room when I saw a photo book sitting on the coffee table. Being my nosy self I looked through it but stopped when I saw people I didn't recognize.

"Ma who are these people?" I asked her walking to where she was sitting. She looked up and answered smiling.. "those are my aunts"

"What are their names? Y'all look so young here" I said analyzing the picture more. "That's jacky, denise, twinkie, karen and dorinda.. then there's me" she pointed at each girl.

"Why do those names sound so familiar?" I asked looking up at her noticing the resemblance. "They're the clark sisters baby"

My mouth dropped open so wide.. everybody knew them. Knowing that we were kin really gave me hope that i'd meet them some day.

"What happened?" I asked curiously. "We just lost contact cause we moved out of detroit.. to cali." She said looking up at my caressing my face.

We just moved back here to detroit about three years ago from cali. I'm glad we're back.. I didn't necessarily like california.

"Well we're here now, why haven't you reached out yet?" I asked her eager to hear her answer. "I plan on it next weekend.. you wanna come with me?" She asked me smiling softly.

"Yes ma'am" I said growing sleepy. "Mama im finna go take a nap, i love you" I said kissing her on the cheek. "I love you more dee" she kissed my forehead.

I trailed up the stairs into my newly decorated room. I decided last week that I had to switch it up. The old room was way too kiddie for my liking.

I threw my natural hair into a messy bun before putting on my bonnet and laying down. It usually took me a long minute to fall asleep but today was different.

I jumped out of my sleep to loud arguing.. which meant my father was home from work- most likely drunk. I heard the sound of glass shattering which was my cue to check what was going on.

"Donald how are you gonna be mad I told her about my side of the family? That's weird if you ask me" she snapped back to his remark he made before I came down there.

I was still standing behind the corner without them knowing listening to the whole argument. "You know ion fuck with yo folks like that." He said raising his voice louder.

"Ask me if I ca-" before she could finish his hand connected the side of her face setting me off. "WHY WOULD YOU HIT HER?!" I screamed running up to her.

"Deaja get yo black ass back up them stairs now before you're next." He growled stepping towards me.

"Donald why would you put your hands on me- you know what.. get out" my mother told him. He didn't move a muscle.

"Donald get out of my house before I call the cops" she threatened which only made him more upset.

"Oh so we calling twelve now? You trynna leave me?" he asked lifting his shirt grabbing his gun out of his waistband.

I was too late. The shots fired off before i could make it to her in time. I screamed at the site of her body dropping to the floor.. it was like my chest caved in on me.

"mama, mama no please don't leave me here with him please" I cried rocking her back in forth. He stood over me looking down at what he did.

"I hate you.. how could you do this to her" I sobbed watching all the blood leave her body. He looked to the door and ran as fast as he could.

Once I knew he was gone for good I dialed 911 and the rest of that day was a huge blur. In a matter of a few seconds my mother was gone.

We had no funeral because we had nobody. The last time talking to her and laughing with her would have to be the last memory i'd have to hold on to.

*end of flashback*
*december 15th 2018*

|karen| i looked at the time which read 9:12 am.. I knew today was trinas anniversary so I tried to give deaja as much room as possible.

I haven't seen her since yesterday morning so I decided now was a good time to check on her. Drew was at the church now so it'd just be us two all day.

I went down the stairs leading into the basement to find her laying fast asleep. I could tell by her puffy face that she'd most likely been crying all night so I didn't bother waking her.

I turned on my feet to go upstairs until she woke up but her shuffling made me stop in my tracks. "Stay, please" she said groggily.

I nodded and slipped under the covers next to her bringing her head to lay on my chest. "I love you, okay?" I said softly.

"I love you too, I just miss her so much man" she whispered as I felt her tears drop onto me. "I know you do baby, I know you do" I replied rubbing her temples.

Her soft cries soon turned into full blown sobs and i just laid there comforting her through it all. "I-" she choked out trying to finish the sentence she started.

"It's alright dee, you don't have to say a word I hear you loud and clear" I said kissing her on the forehead.

"You know the same day she passed she told me she had planned on connecting back with you and your siblings the next week cause I asked about y'all." She said making a lump form in my throat.

I knew God did everything for a reason so I didn't have much to say.. I just wish deaja didn't have to go through all she did.

Our day consisted of laying around all day talking and crying.. I'm just glad she didn't shut me out like most people would.