life's confessions

defeat

|deaja| i drove slowly to auntie karens house after i damn near got kicked out of auntie doe's.

I wasn't really ready to face the two but I knew I would have to eventually so why not now. My mind kept going back to how worried her tone was.

It did scare me but I didn't dwell on it.. I looked down at my gas tank and read that it was on e.

"she told me to go straight home but how imma do that if i don't go get some gas"

Sighing to myself I made a u turn and drove to the nearest gas station. I pulled in and went inside to put twenty dollars in my tank.

I wasn't coming out of my pocket with gas money.. I had a card specifically for that reason so I was good.

I went outside and picked up the gas pump picking the kind of gas I wanted before putting the pump inside my car.

I laid up against the car and waited looking down on my phone seeing missed calls from both auntie doe and auntie karen..

Shaking it off I took the pump from out of the car and put it back in it's place. I sat in my car and started it going back to the house.

I really put into thought of what auntie d said earlier... it started getting bad when ma was gone.. I couldn't grasp- still can't that my own father would do such a thing.

My only hope is that he rots in his jail cell for the rest of his miserable life. I looked up and noticed a black suv on my tail.

Rolling my eyes at all the non driving niggas in this world I changed lanes only to notice the car did the same thing.

"what is he doing?"

Letting my foot fall heavier on the gas I took a random turn just to see if I was tripping.

I wasn't.

I took another left and sure enough he was behind me. My anxiety immediately shot up and I fumbled with my phone to dial somebody.. anybody.

Fumbling with my phone and trying to keep my eyes on the road wasn't a good mix causing me to drop my phone under the seat.

Struggling to grab the phone and keep the steering wheel straight I fished around for it. After what seemed like forever i found it but yet the car was still behind me.

I went to my call log and pushed auntie karens contact. "Come on come on" i whined noticing she wasn't picking up immediately.

"Hello? Dee where are you at?" She asked me as soon as the line connected. "Auntie somebody is following me I don't know what to do" I said finally letting out the cry's I had held up.

"Oh my gosh- Drew come here now" she said in a worried tone. "What is it?" I heard him ask her walking in the room.

"Somebody is following dee- I don't know what to tell her" she rushed out.. it sounded as if she was on the verge of tears.

"Put the phone on speaker so I can hear her" he said quickly. "Unc im scared, I'm sorry y'all for leaving in the first place- if I wouldn't have been acting that way I wouldn't be in this situation" I said frustrated with myself.

"Deaja no don't do that to yourself, I need you to listen to me carefully." He said sternly. "O-okay" I choked out still scared for my life.

"I need you to take the street way back to the house.. once you get here I need you to use those long legs and run as fast as possible to the door where I'll be.. you usually wouldn't come straight home but we don't have anymore options" he instructed me.

"Alright, can I stay on the phone with you?" I asked him. "Yes of course i wasn't about to let you get off the phone anyways" he said in a duh tone.

I took the street way as he told me using the gps on my phone.. I usually took the back way so I wasn't familiar with this way.

"I'm about to pull in- they're still behind me" I said before pulling into the driveway grabbing my phone and purse before running to the door like my life depended on it.

In that case it did.

As soon as my foot hit the pavement he opened the door for me to come inside. Thank God I could stop and start my car from my key cause my baby would've been gone.

"Come here girl" he said after quickly shutting and locking the door. I walked into his arms.. hugging him for what seemed like forever.

I couldn't help but cry into his chest as the events of today replayed in the back of my head.

"Come on, your auntie has something to say to you" he said grabbing my hand helping me up the stairs.

"I am so sorry" auntie karen said in tears as soon as I entered into the room. I walked over to her wrapping my arms around her.

"What happened?" She asked me pulling back looking me in my eyes. "Well, auntie doe said to come straight home but I didn't have any gas so I stopped at the gas station but that's when I noticed some car following me"

"At first i thought I was bugging but after I took a few turns and they did the same that's when I got worried." I replied.

"Deaja, I know now is probably not the right time but there is no other time to tell you this but- your dad go released today" she said immediately causing me to hyperventilate.

I just know this couldn't be happening right now- not when my life was turning for the better.

My chest started to get tight taking me into a panic attack. "Deaja baby you gotta calm down for me alright?" She asked me sitting on her bed.

By this time uncle drew came back into the room with a bottle of praying oil. I promise I tried my best to calm down I just couldn't with everything in me.

I felt his fingers draw a cross on my forehead as they both prayed me through the attack i was engulfed in.

The whole day I cried, screamed and yelled.. I just couldn't find the words to express myself... I felt so defeated.

Of course my aunt and uncle was there to walk me through it all.. trying their best to do what they could.

If I didn't know any better I knew those were my dads people.. how they found me im not sure of. One thing I know is that donald never gave up without a fight.