Alphas War

Chapter 53

Ellas POV:

"Hey," a voice called from the doorway. I didn't move. I couldn't move. My body had become too heavy and my limbs had become too weak. "El?" Liam called again from the entrance to the room, hopefulness drenching his tone.

He stayed silent for a while and even though I couldn't see him, I knew he was still there. I could hear his heartbeat. I had found myself listening for heartbeats constantly now, always hoping that the small, gentle thud of my baby's heartbeat would go away and this would all have been a bad dream

But it never did. It continued to patter away inside of me, oblivious to the pain outside of my stomach.

I listened as Liams footsteps thumped across the floor before the bed dipped behind me. I kept my eyes shut and my face buried in Zach's shirt, desperate for his scent to envelope me like it used to.

Liams hand reached out and closed around mine, his thumb rubbing circles around my knuckles. "Please talk to me," he whispered, squeezing my hand.

Tears filled my eyes. His voice sounded so soft, so sad. I wasn't used to Liam being anything except happy and upbeat. Hearing him sound just as broken as I was made my heart crack.

"What do you want me to say?" I managed to choke out, not daring to look at him.

He seemed thrown off my response but he shuffled closer to me and with his free hand, began drawing shapes on my back. "I don't know," he admitted, "but I miss talking to you."

"Me too," I told him honestly. I missed talking to everyone, I missed laughing and joking with my friends. But there weren't any words that could be said, no jokes that could be told that would take away the pain.

"I miss him too," I heard him mutter behind me, his voice cracking. "I miss him so much."

"Me too," I repeated, unable to keep the emotion out of my voice.

Liam dropped my hand and moved his to my shoulder, tugging gently on it to roll me around so I was facing him. And, as much as I hated to be away from Zach, I let him.

His eyes were brimming with unshed tears and dark bags hung beneath them. He hadn't been sleeping either. "I wish I could bring him back for you," he told me gently, "I wish I could swap places with him."

"I wish I could too," I mumbled, burying my face against him as the pain in my chest amplified. Talking about it hurt so much more than I had expected it to.

Liam wrapped his arms around me, immediately warming me up. I missed how warm Zach was, how nice he was to cuddle up to. Now, he was as cold as ice and was as comfortable to cuddle as a rock.

"It has to get easier," Liam muttered above me. I pressed my face closer to where I could hear his heart beating, allowing the soothing thud to calm my cries. With my eyes closed, Liams voice sounded so much like Zach's that it was easy to pretend, just for a moment, that he was here with me. "It has to."

His hands stroked up and down my back soothingly and I breathed in, allowing his warm scent to fill my nose. It wasn't quite the same as Zach's, less earthy than Zach's, but god was it similar. It felt like home.

I kept my eyes closed as I pulled back a little, tilting my head so I would be facing Liam. "You sound like him," I told him softly, the tears dripping off my chin and onto his soft shirt.

"I wish there was something I could do," he told me, swiping my tears away with his thumb. His skin was warm against mine and I reached up to hold his hand against my face, desperate for his warmth.

Without thinking, I closed the space between us and pressed my lips to his, feeling him tense against me. But I didn't care. His lips weren't cold and chapped like Zach's were now. They were warm and soft against mine, reminding me of how Zach used to kiss me.

"El?" Liam whispered softly, causing his lips to move against mine. I breathed in his scent again, feeling so much more connected to Zach than I'd felt in days.

"Kiss me," I begged, pressing my mouth against his again. "Please," I whispered before parting my lips slightly, inviting him in.

After a few moments, his lips began to move gently against mine. I trembled slightly. I'd forgotten what it felt like to kiss my husband. His hands held me in place, his breath fanned against my face and his warm body lay against mine.

I pushed my tongue into his mouth, deepening the kiss. It felt so good. His scent intoxicated me, fogging my mind with desire as we quickened our pace. I moaned slightly, moving closer so every inch of his body was pressed against mine.

"Zach," I pleaded breathlessly. I needed more from him. Kissing wasn't enough. "Zach."

He pulled away, leaving me feeling empty. "El," he whispered. I opened my eyes slowly, coming face to face with a pair of bright blue eyes, sympathy flooding them. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear, "but I'm not him."

Tears gathered in my eyes as I backed away, staring at Liam as he frowned guiltily. "Liam," I gasped, shaking my head frantically. "Oh god."

I sobbed loudly, the tears spilling down my cheeks as I continued to stare at him in horror. "Liam, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-." I cut myself off, cries completely wracking through me.

What the hell had I done. I'd kissed someone else. Someone that wasn't my husband. Worse, I'd kissed Liam. Zach's brother. My friends boyfriend. My friend.

"I'm sorry," I wailed, beginning to shake. Zach would never forgive me. Lexi would never forgive me. Liam would never forgive me.

"Ella," he began, shuffling towards me.

"No!" I exclaimed, darting to my feet and backing away. How could I do this. I shook my head frantically, hyperventilating as I cried harder. "I'm sorry Liam."

"Ella, it's okay," he said, raising to his feet and slowly approaching me.

"No it's not," I whimpered. "I shouldn't have done that. I - you - you have a girlfriend and I -." I broke down, collapsing to the ground and burying my face in my hands.

Liams arms soon came around me, holding me tightly against him. "I promise it's okay," he told me soothingly, capturing my chin in his hand. "I wish I could be him for you, but I can't."

"No," I muttered, shaking my head. "I'm sorry." I didn't want him to be Zach. I wanted him to be him. And I wanted Zach back.

"It's okay," he repeated, holding me tightly. "It wasn't your fault and it didn't mean anything," he assured me but I didn't feel any better. How could he say it wasn't my fault? It certainly wasn't his.

The tears continued to fall until my eyes dried up and I physically couldn't cry any more. But still, Liam held me and the two of us lay on the floor until the sun began to descend in the sky.