Prima Donna | Sirius Black Fanfiction

Identical Dead Eyes

Regulus Black's dead eyes stared directly at me. My father's blood splattered across his face, he sneered letting the white teeth shine through his parted lips. I gasped, my eyes flying open from my broken slumber, only to see the same pair of eyes looking down at me. I scrambled backwards, hitting my head against the bed head. I screamed. "Get away."

"Milla?" His face seemed panicked. His hand stroking my arm. "Milla, it's me."

My eyes were blurry from the tears, my body barely able to stop the shaking. The blazing red curtains of Sirius's dorm room became clearer as I gasped for air. "Sorry... Sorry."

Sirius's face fell as I pulled my knees up to my chest, balancing dangerously on the end of the bed. His chest was scared and his boxers hung crooked on his hips. His eyebrows creased as he slowly returned back into the bed.

"I uh- I need a shower."

The hot water poured over me in the boys dormitory. It was a nightmare, I had to keep reminding myself. If it really was a nightmare, why did it feel so real? I shivered, shaking the thoughts out of my head.

"D'she 'ave nother nighmare?" James's groggy voice could be heard on the other side of the bathroom wall.

"Yes." Sirius sounded strained.

"Oh much long will this be goin' fo?" He grumbled. There was a loud bang, quickly followed by a groan as I assumed James had fallen out of bed. "I can't sleep."

"Sorry mate."

I wrapped the towel around myself, wrapping the second around my hair. "I just don't know what to do. She hates me, she can barely look at me."

"No she doesn't." Remus this time chimed in. Even through the walls, I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. I took a deep breath, peering back at the green eyes in the mirror. I was fine. Totally fine. I had to remind myself, or at least pretend... surely if I pretend enough it would somehow become real. I split the door open with only enough room for me to slip out.

"Hey." Sirius whispered, brushing my hair out of his face as I slipped back into the deep blue silk pyjamas. "Do you need anything? Food? Water? Relaxation?" His eyes twinkled at the last suggestion.

I was exhausted, cupping his face and lightly placing my lips over his. "I just need to sleep."

He nodded understanding. But as much as I tried, I couldn't fall asleep.

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A cloud of confusion followed me through my path to transfiguration the following day. Everything had changed in a matter of minutes. I could barely distinguish happiness from sadness. My father's death had marked a new era, one which didn't foresee to have Hogwarts in it much longer. But I didn't know what was happening, I couldn't quite make myself reveal my secrets just yet, how would the girls react? How would Sirius react? What did this mean for the future? The uncertainty fogged my judgement and I hoped a few normal-ish days at Hogwarts cleared my mind. That meant going to class. Transfiguration, which I was now far behind, was especially important.

"Hey." Sirius fell into step with the group of girls, instinctively snaking his arm around my waist. I jerked away before I could stop myself. His face fell but he continued strongly. "Where did you go last night?"

"Uh – " It was becoming a habit. But every time I couldn't sleep I wandered the castle alone, at night. I knew Sirius wouldn't be happy if I admitted it, these days especially it was forbidden to walk around alone, especially in the darkness. But it was the only place where I felt alive, I was like bait, my bare feet and my silk pyjamas were waiting for somebody to pounce. The fear was oddly comforting.