these thoughts inside my head

night 1

song suggestion of the night : "the reason" by hoobastank.

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late nights like these are surreal, because time does not exist when you do not pay attention to it.

i wished that i didn't think about time like during the late night. that way, the present would speed up to the future already.

i am sick of the present, oh how i wish i was gone from this world. gone, yet i want to live to see the future. the scary future. the unpredictable future. the beautiful future.

i want to go back to the past and change myself. i do not want to be the person i am now. how i wish i could mold myself better.

i want to time travel and better myself. i want to be better. i don't know how to be better. i do know, but how- no where do i start. i know where to start. where do i find the motivation?

i am tired, yet i torture myself endlessly. i fill this void that keeps deepening throughout my soul. do i still have a soul? or is it so tampered that i am just pretending at this point.

i need to do more. i need to rest. i need to work harder. i need to focus on myself. i need to do better.

help me, please help me. i am drowning.

stop this pain tonight. do not pity me, for i will go further into this voice inside my head, telling me to end it here and now.

i want to be that sweet little girl who was naive of the world.

I can't do anything anymore. i can do more.

i am helpless at this point.

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reminder to focus on how you are actually feeling. your feelings are valid.