Hurt {Clifford}

Calum's Leaving And i'm Alone

 

Journal entry 5

Today I learned that one of my friends is leaving to a different school.

Calum is his name.

We aren't really close but we both hang out together with the other boys.

I didn't really care at first because he was just another person that I would forget in no time,

Then It hit me.

Sooner or later all of my friends would leave, and I would have to make all new friends.

I don't really want that.

My friends are good to me.

They give good advice to me; they're just generally nice people.

Yes, I know I annoy them . . . a lot.

I'm the loud douche bag in the back of the class who shouts "internet slang" at the teacher and everyone either laughs or sighs in annoyance. It's a constant circle.

Today I've discovered that I am sad inside.

No, not depressed just sad.

Well, i guess it is depressed.

But, this time its different.

It's like I feel like there is a blanket constantly over my brain.

This blanket is guarding my thoughts from spilling out into the world.

But it's also keeping me warm and making me feel secure.

But it's preventing me from breathing, like a fish net being pulled out of the water; I am the fish.

I am a helpless flopping fish being taken out of the ocean and dipped back in, teasing me.

I'm struggling for water but all I am getting is air.

My gills are closing up and I feel pain.

But I'm dipped back in and I feel okay.

I want to feel okay all the time,

I want to feel okay.