Hurt {Clifford}

She's In Love With a Psycho

Journal entry 1

 

Today I've realized that I am a terrible person.

 

I reject everyone who loves me.

 

I found out that my best friend, Kasandra, was in love with me. She told me straight to my face and I rejected her in the worst possible way.

Being the type of person who takes everything as a joke, I told her to "dump all of her feelings for me in the trash" and then laughed.

How could she love someone like me though?

I'm messed up in all ways possible. . .

I thought it was funny at first and I had thought that I had let her down easy, but her face fell and her eyes started to tear up. My heart sank to the soles of my shoes when I realized I had just crushed her.

She gazed up at me with a painful glare and asked, "Do you really mean that?"

This was the first time anyone had ever 'ask me out' or showed any attraction in me before, I had no idea what to do so I just said, "Yes, were just friends."

Then she told me she had to go and stood up from the park bench and sped away.

I can't write down the emotions that were running though my head when that happened and I hope I won't ever feel that way again.

It's now been at least four months since that happened, and she's forgiven me.

She seems so happy now and I can't bear it.

Her eyes are bright once again, she's smiling.

She's been talking to me again too, but she can't seem to look me in the eye.

I miss her more now than ever.

It pains me that I've said no.

That I made her feel as if I didn't want her.

Like she was nothing to me.

I can't latch onto the fact that she'll be happy with some other boy and that he'll love her more than I can.

I know I sound like a control freak but, i just can't help it.

I hate that I bottle up all of my feelings and never let them pour out. I'll never give an ounce of my love to another.

I can't bear cheesy love and that's what she wants me to give her; I can't do that.

I can't make her feel wanted anymore.

 

And it hurts like Hell.

 Maybe, tomorrow will be better.

Tomorrow i'll feel different.