My Secret Family

Ana's Army

Sophie

59kg and falling

It was Friday, and that meant it was Ana's weekly anti-dinner party where the main course was water and cigarettes. Tonight she had us lined up in front of her mirror, standing at attention in our uniforms of black leggings and pastel tops, and after two glasses of wine there were three skinny girls in their underwear and socks, good little soldiers in Ana's toy army.

Ana's horse-riding outfit clung tightly to her body without a hint of lump or bump, accentuating the subtle curve of her waist and her long, ballerina legs. She held her riding crop under her arm and hit the side of her thigh with it as she strutted in front of us. I could tell she was enjoying the power trip.

"We're doing body checks, " she said, not looking at us, but staring straight ahead as she walked up and down, turning on her heel when she reached the end.

"Body checks?" Mia asked, shifting her weight from side to side, crossing her legs over like a dead gazelle.

"Every week from now on we take a body photo so that we can compare our progress. We owe the world a record of our sacrifice. " Ana's accent seemed to waiver between Italian and English and Californian. She walked up and down the ranks while Sue and I stood straight at attention, but Mia seemed like she was trying to twist into herself, trying to become invisible.

"Feet together, thighs apart, " Ana said, stopping in front of Mia. Mia reluctantly uncrossed her legs and stood at attention, her thighs clearly touching where Ana poked her riding crop between her legs and sighed. Ana took her phone from her bed and moved down the line, taking a photo of each of us.

"Sophie, your stomach needs work. Do 100 crunches."

"Okay," I said, looking down at the lumpy flesh of my stomach bulge that pushed a little over my belt. I had punched a new hole in my canvas belt because now I was kid sized, the 8-14 department. Still, I did want my stomach flat and toned, like Ana's.

"Now! Are you deaf?" Ana shouted and hit my ass with her riding crop.

"What, like, how?" I asked. I knew how to do crunches, but I didn't know if she meant on the floor, or on the bed, or what exactly.

"Get down and give me one hundred crunches, it is not brain surgery, Sophia, " Ana commanded, using the tip of her riding crop to push me down to the floor. I couldn't tell if she was joking or serious, but I followed her instructions before she moved on to Sue.

"You're fucking bony as hell, " Ana said, poking at Sue's hip bones.

"I know, I'm sorry, " Sue said in her sparrow's chirping voice.

Poor girl, I thought as I sat on the ground and pulled my legs up towards my chest, she honestly thought she had to apologize for having bony hips, as if it was her fault.

"You are out of proportion" Ana said, poking at Sue's birdcage chest, "you look like a broken doll, and what is wrong with your fat lips, honey? You need to get a job and save for some surgery, you're ugly as fuck. Work on your definition, one hundred squats. Go." Ana strode on to inspect Mia; next to me Sue stood in her underwear biting on her lower lip, her eyes glistening with the tears she was trying to fight back. She nervously held her arms in front of her chest and started lifting her thin body upwards, shaking against the weakness in her knees as she lifted herself up and down on her haunches. I felt an immense amount of love for her in that moment and I wanted to take her up in my arms and tell her everything was going to work out fine and that this was just a game we were playing with Ana. We were just playing dolls.

Ana stopped in front of Mia. "And you, thunder thighs, have been eating too much cake.

"I know, I fucking love cake, " Mia countered defiantly and I smiled at her bravado. Mia caught sight of me smiling at her and gave me a wink behind Ana's back.

"I know, I fucking love cake, " Ana mocked in a cartoon voice as she turned around. "You love dying fat and alone with twenty cats, is what you love. Jumping jacks, five hundred."

"What? You're not serious."

"Do it!" Ana smacked her riding crop hard on Mia's thigh, leaving a red mark.

"Ow, what the hell, Ana?" Mia rubbed her hand over the welt forming on her leg.

"Do you want to be beautiful or do you want to be ugly? Choose your life. There's only room in my army for beautiful people, and beauty is a tough choice."

Mia looked at me doing crunches and decided to follow along. It was helping us, after all, forcing us to keep fit and reach our goal weight. Ana's goal weight.

"You girls disgust me. None of you eat today or tomorrow. " Ana sat on the edge of her bed and watched us exercise, stroking her perfectly thin legs in a flagrant show of self-appreciation. I knew we were her puppets, her dolls, but it was kind of fun at the same time, you know? Just a game.

My stomach burbled at the thought of missing another meal. "I didn't eat anything yesterday, " I said.

"So? You want a medal?" Ana clucked. "You don't get perfect by making excuses. No food for two more days.

Ana leaned back on the bed and took photos of us exercising in our underwear.

"You better not upload these anywhere, " Mia said, jumping up and down with a thump thump thump on the tiled floor.

"I don't think National Geographic accepts photos of fat, ugly orangutans, Mia. " Ana said.

I laughed at the way Ana had mispronounced Geographic- Go-graphic in her fake foreign accent and caught sight of Mia glaring at me. Dammit.

Ana stood up and stood motionless for a few seconds, she seemed to be lost in thought before she lifted her head and went to the bathroom.