Asterisk*

Parties and Paparazzi*

*Watch as both of those turn into a bloodbath of the mind

Eyes on me,

Mine on the floor.

Tiles of steel,

Iron hearts between the tears,

Glinting in the summer sun,

All until it melts away.

Marcus

Everywhere I went, it felt like all eyes were on me. The second Dash parked his car in the driveway, my world completely changed. People would point me out, whisper about what they thought they knew about me, pausing to mention something I had done in the classroom a year ago and forgot about, but stuck with the kid sitting behind me. They knew I knew. Their eyes would always linger slightly too long, almost as if they were offering a second of apology before completely ripping every detail to shreds. I was too happy, not happy enough. Not doing enough, doing too much. Whatever it was, everyone agreed on one thing: something was definitely wrong with me. I understood that. For the most part, I agreed.

This was the biggest thing to happen in our town. The last time someone talked so much about a specific topic was when the snow came down particularly heavy, breaking the roof of one of Aiden's neighbors. But then, it had been a 'it takes a village' effort, trying to get everything fixed as soon as possible so the family could move back into their home. Right now, it was completely different. It was like Kadance wasn't even a person anymore, but rather an interesting film character they all vaguely remember as the boy with the knack of throwing baseballs. Aiden and I got the worst of it though. Everyone liked Kadance. We were the weirder ones. Especially me. No one really knew much about me, including myself. I was the average kid who did average things sometimes. So instead of being about Kandace and where the duck he was, it became about how I sharpened my pencil weirdly or how Aiden chose to delete his social media after the whole incident. If I could disappear from the world right now, I would. But I can't. Even if I just went away, my spirit would refuse to go. It was stupid like that.

Dash immediately knew I was uncomfortable. I always was; pairs of eyes studying me was never my forte. I used to shy away from my cousins and aunts who would all judge the weird clothing I had worn in fourth grade, who would make jokes about what food I chose to eat and what I didn't. It was all in good nature, of course. But it was never me, never easy. Each time, it got harder and harder to keep on the facade, the eyes glaring deeper and deeper trying to dig a joke into my heart. So yet again, Dash took me under his wing, acting like I was his injured child instead of his legally adult brother who didn't know what to do with himself.

I was supposed to be getting ready to go over to Kadance's today. It's going to be the first time I'll be there since everything. I don't want to go. I don't want to see his room, see all the places we would play video games, see the kitchen where his mom would joke about milk moustaches when she gave us chocolate milk. Aiden would be there too. Both of our parents had really forced their way over there because Kadance's parents were a mess, which is expected. Their child is missing. But Kadance's mom wasn't eating according to mine, and his father had been wandering around in the middle of the night, hoping one day he would bump into Kadance in a stray alley somewhere. So it was more of a support staff nurse call, where I could only wish I would be able to help with bygones.

Dash was on me like I was on suicide watch. I don't think I'll be doing anything like that, but he kept checking in on me, watching me as much as he could. I was going to suggest that he just buy a baby monitor and put that in my room, but after thought, I think he might just do that if I give him the idea. So instead, I kept it to myself, like I kept my feelings to myself, and hoped for the best.