Big Booty

30

Yo, was you poppin' shit the other night, ma, or are you really 'bout handlin' a dick?"

I'm half asleep when I answer my cell so my brain isn't on alert, yet. I don't know whose number this is, or what niggah this voice belongs to. "I glance at the clock, frownin'. It's two in the goddamn mornin'. "Who the fuck is this?"

"It's AJ, yo."

I blink. "AJ? Niggah, how you get my number?"

He laughs. "You whispered that shit all sexy in my ear down at the club. Had my dick all hard'n shit da whole night."

Oh, yeah I did give this niggah my number last week. Shit. I ain't think he was gonna remember it. But I'm glad he did. And not because I wanna ride down on his dingaling. I want info outta this niggah. So instead of cussin' his ass out for bein' dead wrong for callin' me this time of night, I bite my tongue and kick up the charm.

"Took you long enough to call, niggah. But why the fuck is you callin' me this time of night? You must be tryna get some pussy."

"Yo, you already know. You was talkin' some real good shit. I'm tryna hit that deep."

I roll my eyes, sittin' up in bed. I reach over and flick the lamp on. "You eat pussy?"

"Nah, ma . . . I ain't wit' that."

"Well, do you lick ass?" Now I already know if a niggah ain't eatin' pussy, he ain't lickin' no ass either. But I wanna hear what this coon gotta say. And if you ain't doin' both, you definitely ain't gonna be freaky enough for me.

"Nah. I don't get down wit' that either. But I'll fuck you in it." Mmmph. This corny-ass niggah ain't ready for a bitch like me. I ask him how big his dick is. He tells me he has nine thick, hard, inches.

"Niggah, if you ain't eatin' pussy or lickin' out no ass, ya dick game better be bananas."

"No doubt. I puts in that work, yo. So wassup. Can I get up in them hips and stroke up ya insides or what?"

"Niggah, you gotta stroke up that cash, first. You got that money up?"

"Yeah, no doubt. I gotta lil sumthin'. How much you tryna trick a niggah for?"

"Well, if you were eatin' pussy 'n ass I woulda gave you a discount sampler, but since you ain't puttin' out no tongue work, you gonna have'ta hit me with . . . mmmm . . . "

Louie V gotta sexy pink belt I want, then I saw a pair of aviators I also want and this cute lil' Keep It Twice monogram bracelet they got. I start calculatin' in my head: Six-hundred-and fifty-five plus six-hundred-forty-five plus three-hundred-seventy. I tell him I want two grand, but I really only need seventeen hundred to get my trinkets. The extra three hundred is the tax for him not eatin' pussy or lickin' ass. But if what Jah said about this niggah is true, then I know he ain't gonna be able to hang 'cause his pockets light.

"Daaaaaaayum, that's kinda steep for some pussy. I can see if you was askin' for a few hunnid, but two gees? You buggin' wit' that."

I laugh. "Niggah, if you broke, say you broke. You ain't gotta front. But I ain't buggin' 'bout shit. Ain't no shame in my game, boo. If you can't afford me, then so be it."

"Yo, ain't nobody frontin'. And ain't nobody say I couldn't afford you. I'm sayin' how I know you even worth that kinda paper?"

"Niggah, you don't. But that ain't stop you from wantin' to fuck me. Now did it?"

"Nah, but still. I ain't that kinda dude to be trickin' up that kinda paper for no ass. Fuck that."

I keep laughin'. "Okay, if you say so. But I ain't given you none of this pussy, boo."