𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 [𝚂𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜]

𝗗𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗕𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿

『 Dear Brother,

Did you know? The time when you were born is the time where you took my place into our parents heart? You have chubby cheeks and tiny hands. Whenever you giggle and laugh, the whole room immediately brightened. You are so cute and lovable. Everyone loves you.

But, ever since that day, Mother and Father's attention were only focused on you. They don't want to play with me anymore. They would make some excuses like: they were busy with work, they were so tired that they wanted to just rest and sleep. I did understand their reasons so I decided to learn to play all by myself. You know what? I mastered it.

Years have passed, everyday became more cold. They didn't notice me anymore. They didn't even bother to make excuses. Mom and Dad would straight up tell me to stop annoying them and stop seeking for their attention because I'm a big brother. It hurts me, I cried a lot. I wanted to shout at them, to tell them that I am feeling lonely. But then again, I followed them. I stopped seeking their attention, I learned to stay quiet.

You became a teenager. Everything became hell. Everyone always compared the two of us. People would always say that you are the better one. They would point out all of my insecurities. They laughed and mocked about my existence. I would always just held my breath and wish for it to stop.

Mother and Father were the same. They would always say, "Be more like your brother" "Your brother was amazing today" "You're dull." "You should have tried harder." "How dumb are you?" "Why can't you be smart like your brother?". I could list every word that they tell me whenever you are asleep or not around. I was starting to hate myself. I was so frustrated.

Did you know how painful it felt for me? I always tried my best to everything that they wanted me to do. They told me to: Play by myself, Stop seeking attention, Be Quiet, Be smart and lastly, Be like you. But it was never enough. I will never be enough. I couldn't make them proud.

It was so difficult, trying my best to everything that I do. I would stay up all night just to study and memorize the lessons. To have a perfect score. I just wanted to be praised, you know? That's why I still did my very best even though I knew that everything that I worked hard for would be all for nothing.

There was a part of me that tells me to blame it on you. To hate you and question why you were even born. I was depressed, questioning God, "Why is this happening to me? Why am I not enough? What did I do wrong? I did my best, right? Why was he born? Is it to make me suffer?"

Even though my mind says that I have to hate you to love myself, I can't. I'm your big brother afterall. I love you even though I am always being compared to you. I love you even though I hate myself. I love you even tho you took my place.

Finally, I found something that I do well better than anyone. That is loving you unconditionally. I would give my all. I would let you take it all. Even my heart...

So dear brother, if you are now reading this. I'm very happy that you're alive. My heart is now yours. Please, treat it well. Always remember that I am always proud of your achievements. I'm sorry for being insecure.

I'm sorry for leaving you behind. This is something that I needed to do for you. I love you brother. Take care.

Your older brother. 』