Eiji didn't sleep that night.
The bland ceiling above the bed he lay in was all to familiar to him now. Each layer of paint, each crack in the unlevel surface, they were staring down at him, daring him to blink.
They knew that if he blinked the tears would begin to spill.
So they taunted him, instead. Reminding him, of the cracks in his heart, the cracks on the pavement, the cracks in his smile as he lay there, content in the library.
Max had made an attempt to tell Eiji about how Ash was taken. The whole time he'd explained, the Japanese boy knew that the older man was refraining from telling him certain details, refraining him from the truth.
"Ash never lets his guard down." Eiji remembered wondering out loud, the words a mumble on his lips. "Never, except for..."
The clench of his jaw snapped him off from his own daunting words of realisation, the words that had lingered in the back of his mind since he'd been told. The words of blame.
"He wanted to go, Eiji." Max had nodded solemnly, "he wanted to make it to the airport. To you."
As the 19 year old stared up at the roof of his room above, his mind raced, spilling out the scenarios of what happened, and what could have happened.
How did he look, when the knife plunged his sides?
Did he fall to the pavement? Or did he stay stood up?
How quickly did he pull the trigger? How quickly did Lao collapse?
Did no one think to help him?
Why didn't anyone help him?
Was the walk to the library a slow, painful one? Did he want to give up? Or was he determined to make it? Make it to their special spot in which they'd shared personal words and conversation?
Why was his guard down?
Because of you.
His guard was down, because of you.
The empty words echoed Eiji's mind, the images of Ash spilling out and being replaced with the accusation.
You should've given him the ticket yourself.
You shouldn't have sent Sing, you should've made Ibe-san drive you.
Why didn't you make Ibe-san drive you?
You told him go.
Eijis breath hitched at his throat, droopy eyes widening at the memory. He'd written Ash a letter, a letter expressing his profound feelings and appreciation of the blonde boy who'd he'd fallen so deeply aquatinted with.
But those weren't his last words.
The last time they were together, there hands almost touched, Eiji couldn't see well because of the medication he'd induced, making his surrounding vision turn etches of black and grey, but he could see a hand, and bright green eyes, and hear the sobs and footsteps of the other after he'd shouted
"Go."
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Sorry this chapter is short, I felt bad for not updating in a while so I wrote this short one. I will try and update again this week
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Afterward - BananaFish (ONGOING)
FanfictionDid you know that heartbreak isn't just a metaphor? People call it "broken heart syndrome," and it's real. Losing someone you loved so deeply is draining, so deeply, and emotionally draining. It's a rare case, but overwhelming loss has been known to...
