The Team // A Formula One AU

Max

I flop down into the green leather chair across a plain table from Gina. She's a normal-looking woman, no huge circular owl glasses or notepad and pen. She smiles at me as if she's excited to get started, and that sets me at ease. She isn't patronising, she isn't fake. She isn't speaking.

"I'm Max." I reach across the table and she shakes my hand.

"Good to meet you, Max. I'm Gina, I'm a Sports Psychologist. We have an hour's session scheduled. Is there anything you'd like to start with?"

"Uh..." I screw my face up and look sideways out of the window, wondering whether to get straight to the point. Tom wouldn't have paid for this if he didn't expect it to be helpful. Trust the process, he always says.

"You're currently second in the championship, do you have any emotions you'd like to discuss around that?"

I sigh, looking into her bright blue eyes and nodding.

"George."

She stares at me, just smiling. Welcoming. I adjust myself in the chair.

"George is... He annoys me so much. But also he's my friend. He's... He's too nice. I can't hate him, I can't say anything bad about him, but I just feel so useless because he's only here because his dad knows Tom. It makes me so angry. I deserve to be here, and I deserve to be winning."

Gina nods as if she understands exactly what I'm talking about.

"Do you feel like George doesn't deserve to be on the team?" She asks.

"Well..." I grimace and look back out of the window. The sun is peeking out between the clouds but I know it must still be pretty cold out there. I feel tense, it's so unnatural to speak to a stranger about my deepest thoughts. "I guess deep inside I know he deserves it. Maybe I'm just angry because it seems like he got here easily while I had to work really hard for the recognition."

"Do you think you could take that frustration and use it to push you forward?"

"I'm trying! He just gets inside my head like nobody else! If he was arrogant or rude about it then it would be so much easier. But he never is. He's the humblest person out there."

"Is George's attitude making you feel ashamed of being frustrated?"

I stare across the table at Gina, stricken. She's right. I can feel my throat constricting as tears well up in my eyes and my brain goes wild, what's happening to you, Max? You're supposed to be strong. That's your only way to beat him.

"It's alright to feel upset. There are a lot of complex emotions at work here, and this is the place to work through them."

I swipe at my eyes angrily, trying not to bury my head in my hands. "It's not okay, though! I'll never beat him if I'm sitting here crying about coming second."

"Your frustration comes because what you've achieved hasn't lined up with your goals. You cry because you care, and that is the most important factor in making sure you improve. You care."

"I do care," I nod, breathing shakily, "but nobody else is having a breakdown because of it."

"You're not having a breakdown, Max. Take some deep breaths, walk around the room."

I stare at her but she spins her chair around to face the bookshelf behind her. Now I'm unobserved, my body starts to relax. My breathing slows and the lump in my throat becomes less tense. I stand up and stretch as I walk to the window and look out on a sunny New York. Things surely aren't as bad as they seem.

I sit back down and clear my throat to let Gina know I'm finished. She spins back to face me.

"How do you feel?"

"Better... Can I ask you a stupid question?"

"I'm sure it isn't stupid. Go ahead."

"Um..." I gulp. "Can you tell me what he said in his session? George, I mean. Did he say anything about me?"

Gina smiles but shakes her head. "You know I can't disclose that."

"I just wish I could know what's happening in side his head..." I sigh, but then look up to meet her eyes. "I want to know where he gets his advantage. I train just as hard as him, I race just as hard as him. I don't get it." I shake my head.

Gina leans forward onto the table and I can't help but watch her intently. I know it's a therapist's trick, but I can't help but listen to every word she says.

"In theory, I could tell you what George said in our session. Maybe you're right and if you had an insight into his head you would use that to beat him. But the thing is, when you get out onto the track, George isn't the only one you have to beat. There are eighteen other drivers who also want to win, and knowing George inside out isn't going to help you beat them.

"You need to focus on yourself. If you continue to improve, if you work on your mental as well as your physical strength, if you learn to block out your rivals and focus on your own development, then that's how you'll win the championship."

There's a moment of silence as I chew on my lip, thinking.

"Do you really think I could win?" I ask in a small voice, then gulp.

"You're already second, Max. If you learn to improve your mental resilience then you can do anything you want to do."

"Will you... Will you teach me how to do that?"

Gina opens a drawer by her knee and brings out a folder full of papers, dropping it onto the table. I can see words like 'mental visualisation' and 'breathing techniques' through the plastic. I've never believed in that stuff, but once again, I find myself trusting her. She picks out the first booklet and passes it over the table.

"Let's get started."

"Great," I nod.

Anything to beat George.