Heartbeat ~ a tribute

5.

She was undoubtedly the strongest person I'd ever met, and probably will ever meet in my years to come. She pulled through, made it through what happened to her, bouncing back from what the universe threw her way. And the universe threw everything her way. Some thief came to steal all of her happiness, to steal everything away from her, everything she had. She'd often tell me that I was one of the only things that hadn't been taken away from her. And instead of being paranoid about when the next hit came, the next time she got knocked down by the universe, she enjoyed the time where she wasn't knocked down. True beauty, it came from within, and radiated over Kat. I certainly thought she was stunning. Bright. She wasn't anything like other people, she was too nice. Too trusting. Naive one might say. Anybody who didn't hurt her was a friend. And everybody hurt her, so she didn't have anyone else but me. Or maybe I just thought that way, because I didn't have anyone but her. I'd felt the hands of a monster before, a big man that I thought I could trust. It hurts when the monster is someone you know. My uncle scarred me. Beyond what I could tell anyone. Maybe that's what linked Kat and I, that trauma that showed up in each others lives. Intertwined in such a way. A duo of shattered souls. The two of us were always...I daresay, made for each other, not in a romantic fashion of course. No. It was never that way truly, I never understood the appeal of a woman, perhaps why I am the way I am today. Just, she completed some of me. I could never understand what it was when she was alive, but since she's gone, I understand she gave me life. When we were alone together, completely alone, we only had each other to live for. Now that I've grown, I have a few other people to live for, and that's the reason I'm not gone today. But no, a part of me died with her. Dead. Hopeless. The only emotion I can bring forth is grief. Grief and rage, and only now as I write about her, I can ease both. It's painful to remember her. But I always want to remember her. Wounds heal, they scar over, and yes the scar will hurt, but eventually, you forget that it hurts. I can only hope that proves to be true about my best friend, but I won't know for a while of course. Everyone Kat loved in her life eventually left her, or was going to leave her. Her whole family turned their backs on her, her father died too soon, her sister betrayed her. She had her friends. Just a few friends, some who may be reading the story now, and they never turned their backs on her, but she silently waited for them to leave too. There was no stability to her life, nothing would ever last forever. She stopped believing in everything will be ok, and started lying, to say, everything is ok. All I knew is that I silently promised her, that no matter what, even if the large hands of fate tried to pull us apart, I would never leave her.

I didn't expect her to be the one leaving me.

♡♡♡