Always There

Chapter One Hundred and Two

Songs for this chapter:
• Come In With The Rain - Taylor Swift

Chapter One Hundred and Two:

Lexi's POV

"I think I'm going to go to bed now."

I glance over in my parents' direction. They're curled up together on the couch underneath a big, fluffy plaid blanket, Mom's head resting on Dad's chest and his arms wrapped around her body.

Charlie and Jasmine are in pretty much the same position, except the two of them are on the loveseat in Mom and Dad's living room and Jasmine is practically seated on my brother's lap. Jasmine's vibrant blue hair has faded to a pastel shade of teal over the past couple months and my brother seems to have decided that growing a beard is a good look on him, but apart from that, they look the same as when I saw them before the school year started this autumn.

And then there's me. I don't have anyone's arms around me, and I don't have my arms around anyone else. I am curled up underneath a blanket, at the very least, and the fact that it's the blanket that Bryce gave me for my birthday makes me feel a tiny bit better.

But alas, I'm sitting in an armchair in my parents' living room, all alone, while my parents and brother are enjoying the holiday season with the people they're in love with.

It's fine. I'm fine. I can be happy on my own, can't I?

I shut my eyes and stand up from my seat, pulling my blanket tighter around my shoulders like a protective cape. When I open my eyes again I find four pairs of other eyes trained on me, and I can't help but to duck my head away, suddenly shy.

It's Christmas Eve. It's supposed to be a happy day to spend time with family, and that's exactly what today was. Me, Charlie, and our parents spent the day playing board games—and I demolished everyone in Scrabble three times in a row, for the record—before Jasmine came over for dinner. After we ate, we all retired to the living room where we've remained for the rest of the evening, watching cheesy Christmas movies and making light conversation.

So why does it feel like there's something missing?

"Are you feeling all right, sweetheart? You look a little pale," my mom says gently.

I shake my head a little and turn to face her. Her brows are furrowed and there's genuine concern in both her and my dad's expressions as they watch me closely, examining my every move.

"Yeah, of course. I'm all good. Just tired. I think I might go upstairs and read for a little bit before bed, if that's okay," I respond quietly, squeezing my arms and blanket even tighter around myself.

The crease between my mom's eyebrows deepens, but nonetheless, she gives me a little wave and whispers, "Okay. Goodnight, Lexi. Sleep tight."

Everyone else in the room choruses a goodnight to me as well, and so as simply as that, I scurry out of the living room, down the hallway, and up the stairs.

I shut my door after myself with a sigh before leaning against it and placing a hand on top of my chest. My heart is racing, for some reason, and so I take a couple deep breaths to calm myself down before pushing off the door and heading towards my bathroom.

I strip out of my clothes, a red hoodie and matching pair of sweatpants that used to belong to Bryce once upon a time, before running a shower for myself. I stand under the burning hot water for what feels like forever, but I eventually force myself to wash my hair and body and then leave the shower's scalding warmth.

I finish getting ready for bed hastily, and when I leave the bathroom I dress myself in a baby blue T-shirt of Bryce's. The shirt falls nearly to my knees, long enough to be a nightgown, but I still pull open my underwear drawer and dig around for a pretty pair.