Always There

Chapter Sixty-Two

Songs for this chapter:
• Undrunk - FLETCHER

Chapter Sixty-Two:

Lexi's POV

It feels like I've been crying all day.

I've been laying in my bed in Kennedy and I's dorm room for hours, ever since Knox and I returned from having lunch together. I'm all alone as Kennedy is going to be out late tonight, which is something that I'm sort of grateful for because the amount of tears I've shed today is embarrassing.

I'm wearing one of Bryce's red sweatshirts and a pair of his black sweatpants, a pair of plaid boxers that I've only seen him wear once or twice underneath. My hair is braided down my back and out of my face, and all of my jewelry is tucked away safely into a jewelry box on my desk, as I've become extremely protective over all of the jewelry for some peculiar reason.

My bed feels so cold and empty without Bryce here holding me. Even on the nights when I went to bed before Bryce, he tucked me into bed under the huge, soft grey blanket he keeps in a basket next to his bed before I fell asleep.

And even on those night, I would always wake up the next morning with Bryce's arms around me.

A new wave of tears begins to stream down my cheeks.

I'm so lonely.

It's as though there's a piece of my soul missing, no matter how dramatic that may sound. It hurts to know that the man that I truly believed I would someday marry and grow old with is no longer going to be that person for me.

I roll over onto my side, closing my eyes. I curl my knees up to my chest so that I'm in a little ball, a position I find myself in when I want to feel small and safe.

I haven't eaten or drank anything since my lunch with Knox, but I've cried enough that I desperately need to drink some water. I actually feel sort of lightheaded and dizzy because of this, too.

I don't really have the motivation to get out of bed, though. I honestly doubt that I'll have the motivation to get out of bed tomorrow morning, either.

The only other time that I've ever felt this way was after The Incident. I laid in bed for days, with no motivation to shower or get dressed, and so I just laid curled up under a blanket for a few days, only sitting up to eat food when my dad brought it to me.

That lead to an even darker time, when I relied on self harm to help me cope. I didn't realise the severity of what I was doing myself back then, when I was only fourteen, and so I'm hoping that my mind won't go to that scary place this time.

I'm just very confused. I've gone the past thirteen years of my life believing that Bryce would be my future, but now? That's no longer the case.

I reach blindly for my stuffed unicorn. The small twin beds in these dorm rooms aren't very large, and so I'm able to locate the stuffed animal immediately, but it makes me miss the massive bed in Bryce's apartment that I've gotten used to over the past months right away.

I consider calling Bryce, just to hear his voice again before I go to sleep. It would be so simple to just retrieve my phone from my desk and call him, and a part of me really does believe that his voice might ease my mind and help me sleep.

But I'm unable to work up the courage to bring myself to do that.

Instead, I hug the unicorn to my chest, burying my face into its soft fur. It still smells like Bryce's apartment.

It still smells like home.

A/N: There will be a a time jump of a few months between this chapter and the next chapter. It's about mid-March when this chapter takes place, but the next chapter is going to take place in the middle of May.

Yes, this chapter is short, but I wrote it for a reason. It really is important, and there are many hints in it towards things that you guys will be seeing in the coming chapters ;)