Maybe

//revised

Hello all! I know it's been a hot minute since I wrote anything publicly, but after a brief egging on from my friends, I finally fulfilled my wish of giving this story the polish I wish it could have had when I originally wrote it. I went ahead and compiled and edited the story one last time, and it's nowhere near perfect but I think it serves my original vision much better (I was in middle school when I wrote this story yall. Now I'm a senior in high school. Time is wild). So yeah, enjoy what will probably be one of my last ventures in publishing my writing~

//p.s. i added a tiny new scene at the end, just for a little extra ~flavor. hope you enjoy! ^^ goodbye

"Tsukki! Tsukki, wait!" Yamaguchi called after his tall blond friend. Tsukki did not acknowledge him, but he caught up regardless. He looked down at his shoes, quietly trying to catch his breath.

Tsukki didn't speak, but Yamaguchi didn't mind. He just wanted to be near his friend. Of course he wanted to tell him about his day, or the good grade he got on his quiz. But Tsukishima was silent, almost annoyed it seemed, so Yamaguchi just tried to enjoy his presence, and not wish for more.

They approached Tsukishima's house. He put on his headphones as he turned into the driveway. The moment Yamaguchi knew he should dread, but looked toward with hope.

"Bye Tsukki!" Yamaguchi called after him. Tsukishima looked back at him, and Yamaguchi's heart fluttered briefly. He held his breath, but no response. The door just closed, and Yamaguchi was left standing out in the night alone. Every night he walked all this way, wishing for some kind of response, maybe a rare smile. Every night he was disappointed.

Sometimes, only sometimes, he even let himself dream that Tsukishima would run toward him, kiss him suddenly, loudly profess his love. He would always shake his head. This is real life, not a cheesy fanfiction.

He felt heat gather behind his eyes, but he paid no mind. He was just happy to have Tsukki in his life at this point. He turned in the opposite direction to make his way back to his house. He went far out of his way to walk Tsukki home, ten minutes past his house. The walk home stretched on for hours.

The smell of dinner greeted Yamaguchi as he arrived home. The clock in the hallway read 7:00 pm. He was late, as usual.

"Yamaguchi, there's food on the table if you want it."

Yamaguchi sighed gently as he started his way up the stairs. "No thanks mom, me and Tsukki got food after practice." Lies. That's all he was anymore.

His mother appeared at the bottom of the stairs, smiling up at him. She was a little shorter than him; his dad gave him the height. However, her brown-green hair and freckles were reflected in him. When he saw her, the features were cozy and sweet; when he saw himself, all he saw was average. Ugly.

"I love you Yamaguchi." His mother said, almost as though she were chiding him. Her smile was small, but genuine. Her eyes were twinged with sadness.

Yamaguchi nodded. "Love you too mom," he said absentmindedly as he turned and finished his way up the stairs, locking the door behind him.

As he stripped down to change into his night clothes, he caught his image in the mirror. His ribs and eyes cast shadows onto his pale skin - they didn't do that before. He rubbed his arms, and wondered if this was why Tsukishima has never shown interest in him before; if his flaws and decaying features put him off.

As he stared, tears gathered in his eyes. He didn't try to stop them as they glided off his face, landing on the floor with a soft noise. If he could take care of himself, if he could stop worrying so much, if he could just stop being so much himself, maybe then he could be good enough. Maybe then Tsukishima would notice him. He pulled his nightshirt on jerkily, forcibly turning away from the mirror.