I sat on my bed, despair filling my stomach by the second while I stared out the window, watching Rivendell. I thought about Legolas, my mind going deeper and deeper into the vault I had sealed away. I remembered the days we spent together, the look in his eyes, the way his hands grazed my cheek. It was overwhelming, but I was doing it to myself willingly. I continued to think and brought myself back to the last time we spoke. What he said and when he left me. My sadness and self pity was turning into anger and frustration. What right did he have to leave me and then come back, so many years later, and act like nothing had happened? None. Nobody should have that right. I stood, pacing my chamber in angst. I couldn't, for the life of me, sit still. I picked up a book from one of the many piles on my floor and stared at it, chewing my lips before taking it and tossing if across my room and letting it hit a wall.
This continued until I had thrown every book and made a complete mess of my room and myself. I sat among the wreckage staring sadly as tears rolled down my cheeks and fell onto my lap but I wasn't sobbing or crying silently, I had spent years perfecting how to mask emotion. Sometimes though, tears slip through. My body doesn't always listen to the pleas my mind makes to be strong.
Before I could gather myself, the sun was starting to set. I knew I was supposed to see Elrond before sunset but I couldn't bring myself to get off the floor. I heard the knock at my front door and slowly, forced myself up. I brushed myself down, tidying myself before answering the door to Saer. His black hair was tighed tightly into a ponytail and he looked like he'd walked to Mordor and back. He looked almost as poor as when I saw him last, which was only days into his recovery after nearly dying. His skin had colour returned to it though, it looked like he was getting sun. His brown eyes were no longer as blood shot as they used to be.
"Saer," I greeted him.
"Estel," he spoke quickly, staring me down. "you didn't meet with Elrond," I nodded. "so he sent me."
"What for?" I wondered, biting the inside of my cheek as I looked up to him.
"There's a feast to welcome back Legolas' company," he told me. "the elite are supposed to attend along with some other chosen elves."
"There's only 4 elite," I said quietly and Saer gave a solemn nod. Since the elite's last task, the missions going in and out of Rivendell have been put on hold. We lost 6 men, nearly 7. We brought Saer back on the brink of death.
"I've been told to fetch you," he said. I sighed and turned away, leaving my door open. He walked in after me and closed it.
"I assume I have to clean myself up." I said but he didn't respond. I turned into my bedroom and stepped over the mess to take a dress from my wardrobe. I heard his footsteps down the hall and turn to my room.
"Good god," I turned and he was staring at the state of my room. "what happened in here?"
"I uh," I looked around, trying to explain it to him, but I couldn't. "it just happened." He looked at me curiously, a look of concern pressed anxiously on his face. "It's fine," I told him, folding the dress over my arm as I stepped around the books and to my door, ushering him out of the doorway and shutting away the wreck.
I put on the forest green dress and Saer and I walked, side by side, to the great hall. When we entered, our seats were towards the head of the table, on the left side. There were 50 seats on each side of the table, a tablecloth draped over it with candles illuminating the hall the entire way down the table. Empty plates sate in front of each elf, the food had not yet been brought out. Everyone made small talk as Saer led the way to our seats. Elrond sat at the head and smiled warmly as I placed myself in a chair. Saer sat in the empty chair to the left of me.
