Between Somewhere and Nowhere

Mesopotamia (Mary)

The heat was what she noticed first, once her head stopped spinning and she was able to focus on where her body seemed to find itself. The heat was unbearable and the sun shone with a force Mary had never experienced before; every part of flesh that it kissed felt like a burn and she curled away from it, pulling the sleeves of her blouse down over her forearms, thankful she put on trousers instead of a skirt this morning. Moving her gaze from Lilith's shoes to scan across the area, she felt a significant physical shift; as a mortal in a World prior to mortals, she felt suspended even though she was firmly on the ground. 

The feeling of floating even while still was so disorienting she opened her mouth to express her fear but before her voice could escape, Lilith had pulled her into her arms and there she felt safe, tethered, and grounded. She welcomed the powerlessness of being quieted by Lilith's hand over her mouth, it meant she could relax into the experience without the pressure of having to express herself during. The freedom she felt at having her voice taken away surprised her as much as the safety she felt in Lilith's arms and she settled into it, feeling all of her emotions at once.

"That's me...and Adam. Now watch." Mary did as she was told, her brilliant blues focusing on the bodies before her, their naked limbs browned by the sun even though they had just met it.

As she watched, Mary felt an uncomfortable gnawing in her belly; she'd dreamed of the Garden of Eden, the beginning of humankind, ever since she was a small child. She'd imagined that Adam and Eve had grown among brilliant and vibrant flowers, thick foliage hiding them from predators - she had never learned about Lilith's nativity. Beneath the broiling sunshine, among palm trees and dusty shrubland with no water in sight, the first humans started their life in a fight.

As her eyes widened, she watched Lilith refuse Adam and Adam strike her in response. Grimacing as they wrestled into the dirt, Mary held tight to the arm that encircled her waist and gasped against the hand on her mouth. Her mind trying desperately to compare what she was seeing with what she had spent her entire lifetime believing. Even within the feelings of horror she felt pride swell within her as she watched Lilith stand up for herself, something Mary had struggled to do within the expectation of obedience she'd learned from the Church. She felt proud of Lilith as if in standing up to Adam, Lilith stood for all women, including Mary, who would be faced with the strength of ill-intentioned men.

Watching Lilith finally turn to leave, Mary felt her body ache, her champion deserting her and leaving Adam to feel the rage of not being able to mold her to his liking. In that moment Mary felt a spark of solidarity, she wanted to run after Lilith and beg her to stay, to make Adam understand they were equal, to convince him that his life - humanity's existence - would be so much better for accepting their equality. As Lilith disappeared over the ridge, Mary understood that that opportunity was lost and that it was an unfair load to burden her with when she had already been faced with such violence. It was impossible to expect Lilith to predict the future and fight for what had yet to happen. Hindsight was a cruel and unforgiving mistress.

When the angels descended, Mary had to dig her nails into Lilith to keep from swooning. To see the celestial beings that held such high positions within the ranks of her religion was an experience akin to meeting God himself and Mary could hardly bear to look at them. They were both utterly beautiful and shockingly grotesque, their features twisted at angles that didn't seem possible and yet, each detail was stunning. They towered over Adam, their wings made of thick bone and muscle, covered in iridescent feathers that shone multiple colours depending on how they moved and where the light hit them. They were radiant and terrifying. They made her believe in God's grace.

Mary could feel her eyes welling and body shaking in their presence but it wasn't until she watched them spit on the image of Lilith, banish her, and demonize her, that she finally understood. If there was a God, this was not the sort of God she wanted to dedicate herself to. A God that would birth a creature such as Lilith only to allow her to live a life of suffering was not a God worthy of her worship. Mary witnessed the angels' cruelty through her tears as she weeped openly for Lilith, even as she was being held by her.