To be honest I don't know how long this has been going on for. It started as a one time thing that quickly turned into some sort of routine.
Every single time I'd do it the same way.
I don't really have much privacy during the day so I always wait until nighttime.
Then finally when enough time has passed and I'm sure that Matt is sleeping by now I carefully crawl out of bed, staying as silent as I can so I don't wake him up.
(Even though he's a heavy sleeper It's always better to be safe then sorry.)
I open my closet and search for something that I made sure to hide very well. After some searching around in the dark, I take out a small container the size of a matchbox. Inside that very container is something I can't seem to get away from. It gives me this momentary delight, that's almost sweeter then chocolate itself.
I take the box with me and climb back into the top bunk.
I take a quick glance beneath me, and Matt's still asleep. Thank god! I thought to myself. He'd probably do everything to save me from myself in moments like these if he was awake. He'd be devastated to find out that that I've been hurting like this. He'd try to make me stop. Yeah he would. But he isn't awake and isn't gonna save me.
I take one last glance at him, innocently asleep. I pray he'll never find out.
Finally, this is the moment I've been awaiting all day. Im sitting up on my bed leaning my back against the wall. Quickly I roll up my sleeve. I'm holding my breath as the cold blade glides across my arm, again and again,leaving several cuts behind. The first few times the pain was bad, I still remember.
It doesn't take long for the blood to come out. I can do more! Just a few more! My desire seems to have taken over.
And before i knew it my blood was running down my whole left arm. Fuck! I whisper as it drips onto the blue bedding.
Fuck it! I'm FREE
In this very moment I feel free, free of all pain. Free of worry, free of everything.
I feel, euphoric? I feel just the right amount of numb.
And I wish it would last, at least just a little bit longer and I wish I could feel this way forever. But it won't and I can't.
And I know that by the time I wake up everything will go back again
YOU ARE READING
"Free" MattxMello
FanfictionMello wants to be free. In fact he wants it so much, that he repeats it everyday. Freedom but at what cost? (English isn't my first language but I'm trying to get more fluent so feel free to let me know if I make spelling/grammar mistakes) TW: Self...
