Alone

What Sumayah Said

This update is a little weird at the beginning but it is classic Zareena so hope you enjoy!

*****

Aleena's POV

Every morning. Another fight. Another day started off in ruins with yelling and screaming and anger. Why does it have to start this way every time.

Every time we yell over the useless things my heart breaks just a little but when we stop it yearns for the familiarity of the noise and not the constant silence he gives me after.

Yesterday it was the party. He wants alcohol and gambling but I don't want him to ruin his life anymore than he already has. He kills me when I care for him so much and he takes it away.

I love him.

The thought passes through my head, once it's there, it disappears, almost as soon as it appeared. But when I think about it more, I can't stop.

I never thought it would happen, I never thought I would care for such a man but I do. And I am as certain as I am that my name is Aleena Halaf. I am certain I love him.

Sure he does treat me like garbage sometimes but I have glimpsed something inside him -however so fleetingly- that he is human and yearns for love as I do.

I am sure things have happened to him (as it has all of us) but he cannot deal with the things that have happened to him. He is not able to deal. He needs me in his life and I will stay with him through good and bad. I will stay.

Because I love him.

"These eggs are scrumptious Aleena."

"Thanks Zaryab." I say. And then I wait for the slaughter.

"Just like the alcohol would be at the party." He mutters. Again with the party.

"Zaryab please!"

"No Aleena, YOU please. Give me beer!"

"NO I WONT HAVE ALCOHOL." I scream.

"YOU WILL NOW."

Suddenly I'm fed up with the fighting and the anger and the useless anticipation of the slaughter. I want a husband, a kind, loving, husband that I should have gotten.

But Allah does not burden us with more than we can't handle so I say calmly. I'm just glad Allah loves me enough to test my sincerity. But I'm scared of confronting Zaryab. I take a small breath and then I let the words spill out.

"I think there's some things we need to talk about Zaryab, it would be best." and then I let the tears slip.

*****

Zaryab's POV

I don't want to yell or scream at each other any more, I don't want to get angry. I just want to love and be loved. I want to love her but I know I can't, she will leave me if I get too close to her.

We fight, anger and fear taking over us once again. Twisting our words into terrible ones to get a reaction. We try to stop but it's a relentless endless cycle. I can't do it anymore. I won't. But I do it anyways. And she fights too.

But then she stops. She emerges from the dark with light calming words. She is brave and she speaks gently and kindly. She stops yelling and fighting. She asks if we can talk, but then she cries.

We sit on the couch, looking at each other, barely moving, barely breathing, barely making a sound. I look down.

Tears stream silently down her face and I want to do nothing but console her, to help her. To love her. To make her know that she is loved. To make her know that I love her. That she is my everything.

"Sumayah told me about your...problem." She says.

There's no point in holding anything back anymore. I already know it's too late. I've fallen too far down the rabbit hole. I love her.

"I know." I say quietly. So quiet I don't think she hears me at first.

"Your...drug problem."

"I didn't mean it."

"What Zaryab, you didn't mean what?" suddenly she stands up and yells, "you didn't mean WHAT?"

I put my head in my hands,"I DIDNT MEAN TO GET ARRESTED!"

She gasps.

"I guess you didn't know about that part?"

There's a knock on the door. Aleena answers it. I hear Sumayah's voice but Aleena waves her away.

She comes back. I know she wants answers. And I finally want to give them to her.

"My father had just died. I was in a rough spot. I went to my friends, they urged me to drink more and do drugs. I was so down in the dumps and I felt so dead, I couldn't handle it. I took it that night and then again when I wanted to forget the fight. The last words we said to each other. The terrible things I yelled when to thought I would have the chance to change them." He puts his head in his hands again and I wrap my arms around him. We sit like that until he takes a deep breath and continues.

"I stopped praying, why would I? I believed Allah had abandoned me but...he didn't, I abandoned him."

"Zaryab, are you taking drugs now?" she asks.

"When I feel bad about it I take the easy way out, I do drugs. But I want to stop, I need to stop."

"So this deals with your arrest?"

"I was arrested for possession of drugs and illegal use of drugs." I say sadly. This was such a bad time in my life. I don't want to admit my problems to the women I love.

"I managed to bribe everyone to die down the media and it worked but Sumayah knew and she threatened to tell. I couldn't buy her over."

"Okay, well I guess that's it." she says in response.

"No." I say quickly. "I know there was nothing going on with Yahya...I just...I didn't want you to be with me. I wanted you to be so angry with me that you would divorce me or I would say you cheated with Yahya so much you eventually would and then I could divorce you."

"What?" she says, taken aback.

"I'm not good enough for you. I just wanted you to leave me alone."

"Zaryab. I love you." She says this as if she has just realized it. I am incredulous. How could she love someone like me. Someone who was so cruel to her?!

"I love you too." I say. I can't stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth. "I want to get more in touch with my religious side again and I want to stop drinking. I want to be a better husband for you."

"I can help with both, I will bring you to the mosque and I'll make sure you don't drink." she says. I smile. She is the best wife.

"I want to be a better wife t-"

"No." I cut her off. "You are already the perfect wife."

"Well." she replies, "I also want to spend more time with you to get to know you and someday maybe we could be husband and wife."

We smile at eachother. Our marriage is finally starting.

"There's a surprise upstairs on our bed." I say and she runs up stairs giddily. She will find the brown paper bag I left with the flower seed packets in it. I hope she likes it.

"Aleena!" I yell upstairs after I have finished packing my briefcase. She runs back downstairs smiling. I kiss her on the cheek. "There are garden tools and fertilizer in the backyard."

"Okay go now." she says sweetly, almost pushing me out the door. "You're going to be late."

"Zaryab." she says and I turn before I walk out the door.

"Just to let you know, I'm in this, whatever this is," she pauses to point to each of us, "I'm in for the long run. I want you and only you...I'm in."

I pause to think. She's in. She loves me. I'm in too. I am so in. I love you Aleena Halaf. And you know what, "I am too." I say. And I mean it.