Blackbourne Investigations 01 - Introductions

Chapter 8 - Nathan cont.

I lay there trembling.  I could hear pacing in a nearby room.  Nathan seemed agitated.  Was he annoyed that he had brought me here?  I didn’t want to be a burden.  I just wanted to be home, if you could call my apartment home, instead of feeling exposed and vulnerable.  Except to be ‘home’ was to be alone and I was tired of being alone.

I looked out through the sliding doors into the backyard.  There was a glimmer of blue I could just see from my reclining position.  A pool?  He had a pool? I closed my eyes in amazement.  How wonderful would it be to have a pool in your own backyard.  Always available whenever you wanted a swim. 

I had swum years ago in school and enjoyed the freedom I had felt in a pool.  The unique feeling of water surrounding you, holding you weightless, suspended. 

‘Hey Doc, no I’m not calling about last night.  I’ve got a girl here who has hit her head pretty hard,’ Nathan was trying to talk quietly but it seemed to echo out through the quiet house.  He paused, listening, then lowered his voice even more ‘yes I know, another stray dog but I just wanted to check...’

I stopped listening at stray dog.  He’s so right.  I was like a stray dog.  Looking at people, wanting someone to be there, someone to care.  I can’t believe I put that pressure on him to look after me.  I shouldn’t have let him even try to help.  I was an intrusion in his day. 

I rolled myself over onto the ground on all fours.  Gripping the sofa arm I slowly made my way to standing, pausing halfway as dizziness obscured my vision.   Making my way gradually down the hall, I headed towards the front door. 

Nathan’s voice got slightly louder and I stopped, leaning against the wall to rest and looking to see if he had spotted me.  It was best if I could get away without him noticing.  He might feel an obligation otherwise and I didn’t want to be a problem.  His footsteps turned and I realized he must be in a room towards the front of the house. 

Using both hands to mask any noise, I slowly opened the front door and crept outside.  I could feel the shaking worsen and knew I wouldn’t be able to get far.  Crossing the front lawn I went back towards the nature reserve.  Two houses down I knew I couldn’t walk any further. 

The house I was standing in front of had a large front garden, with bushes lining the fence.  If I crept down low I would be able to get behind those bushes and rest until I felt able to walk again. 

It was a relief to drop to my hands and knees.  I slowly pushed past the scratchy leaves of the bushes, my half shut eyes focused on the dirt and woodchips my hands were resting on.  

I heard a sudden shout ‘Sang!’ and the sound of footsteps running.  I pulled my feet further in and gave in.  Leaning forward my forehead hit the ground and I closed my eyes.

~~

The scratchiness of woodchips dug into my face.  I opened my eyes slowly, my head pounding.  I could not rest any longer.  I had to get back to the apartment. 

The walk home was long and hard.  I watched the pavement, counting the cracks.  I didn’t want to think.  I didn’t want to feel. 

I climbed the final flight of stairs to my apartment and let myself in.  Getting myself a glass of water I walked with heavy legs to the other side of the room and sat on the floor against the wall.  It felt like my day had started on such a high only to come crashing down.  I felt like such an idiot.  This hopeful fool who suddenly decided the world was going to be a nice place. 

I thought about the other job I needed to get done before the weekend was over.  To find a public phone and call my message service.   To make the call I was dreading.  To organize the documents for my name, Sang Sorenson.