forever // m.c (book 3)

23 - i'm geeked up

song for the chapter: i'm geeked up by joey gatto (this literally has no connection to the chapter, i just love the intro to his videos and it's always stuck in my head. please don't judge me..)

Michael's POV

On our way back to Summer's apartment, Sophia texted to say that Hope fell asleep and was welcome to stay the night. We accepted the offer, deciding that it would do us some good to spend a night alone.

Summer shrugged out of her sweater, exposing bare shoulders. I took a seat on the couch and she followed, fitting perfectly next to me.

"Did you have fun tonight?" I asked.

Summer nodded. "Yeah. I think it was the best time I've had in a long time. I miss when things were going so great for us. Those few years before I got pregnant, we were so close and I thought nothing could tear us apart. I was so happy, even when you were gone for long periods of time because I had the orchestra. Why can't life be simple?"

"Life was never simple," I shook my head. I liked to forget about what happened in my past before I met Summer, but it seemed to haunt me. There was always shit going on in my life that made it complicated, but the things that made it worthwhile were the band and Summer. Since the band stopped playing music and having gigs, I needed Summer in my life. "The universe has always seemed to work against us, but we always seem to find each other again. I don't know if I believe in soul mates, that there's only one person out there, but I do believe in true love. A love that stays no matter what happens and grows with each day. A love where you put that other person in front of yourself." I paused before quietly adding, "that's how I feel about you."

Our faces were now close together, almost touching. Summer was holding her breath, eyes closed. I took a leap of faith and leaned forward, lightly touching my lips with hers. She reacted by kissing me back, seeming to have expected the kiss.

The moment got a bit more heated as she moved to straddle my lap. Her hands were tangling themselves in my hair, while mine rested on her hips. I slowly slipped her shirt out of her skirt and my hands onto her soft skin. She moaned into my lips, grinding her hips against mine.

"Hold on a sec," I said, my breath heavy. Summer separated her lips from mine, inching her face away from mine. "I think we should stop. I don't want us to move too fast."

Summer nodded, seeming to remember what we had discussed the night before. She moved to sit next to me instead of on my lap and snuggled her forehead into my chest. "I love you," she murmured, just loudly enough for me to hear.

"And I love you," I said, kissing her forehead.

***

The next morning, I went over to Sophia's to pick up Hope. Since it was just down the hall, I threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, not bothering with shoes.

"Daddy!" Hope yelled upon Sophia opening the door. She ran from the kitchen table and wrapped her small arms around me, abandoning her bowl of cereal and Sophia's kids.

"How was she?" I asked.

"Great, like always," she smiled.

"Thanks again," I told her and grabbed my daughter's bag that was sitting next to the door.

"Anytime," Sophia said, closing the door behind us.

Arriving back at Summer's apartment, we found her still in bed, quietly snoring. Hope jumped on the bed, shaking her awake.

"Mommy! I'm home," she said, surprisingly full of energy for the time of day. Summer groaned and rolled over to face Hope. "What are we doing today?" she asked.

"I was thinking I could take you to the aquarium and we could let mommy have some time to herself," I said, coming up with the idea on the spot. I thought that Summer should have some time alone to figure out if she still wanted this after our discussion of the future and date at the lake the night before.

"Yay! Fishes!" she yelled, getting more rambunctious. Both Summer and I burst out in laughter at her excitement.

Summer's POV

Michael and Hope had left about an hour ago for the aquarium. In the time they were gone, I took a relaxing bath and got ready for the day. I was now sitting at the desk in my room, my journal in front of me. I felt like I had been a negligant mother to Hope for a period of time and I wanted to write out my feelings to/about her.

Dear Hope, I started, deciding on a letter format. I was sure I would never show her this, but in the instance that I needed to explain myself I thought this could help.

It's hard to explain the pain that I've been going through, but I want you to know that I have never and will never stop loving you. You are so important to me and I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you. There is no justification for my actions, except that depression is a disease and I was sick. I know you're too young to understand and you most likely felt that I was ignoring you or not caring about you, but that's not what I intended. I hope that now I know what's going on a bit more, it will help me to get better and focus on the important things in life; like you. I want you to be able to come to me when you're having a problem or that you'll always want to tell me what's going on in your life. I want you to trust me, even though I have given you reasons not to. I love you baby girl, you fill my heart with joy even when you're being crabby.

I had tears in my eyes as I closed the journal and set my pen down. My medication was dulling my emotions, but I could still feel the regret welling up inside of me. I wished that my miscarriage had never effected me the way it did, but it made me think of having another Hope running around and how I would never get to see him/her grow up.

i hate writer's block so much. sorry for the long wait and terrible chapter, I've been busy as well as not into the mood to write. i hope you still stick with me. please vote/comment. xx zoe