forever // m.c (book 3)

13 - there's nothing to be afraid of

song for the chapter: night changes by one direction

Summer's POV

It was the night after the fundraiser and we were all gathered at my apartment. The guys were playing some card game in the kitchen while I was sitting in the living room with Rachel. I had not talked to her very much and after a bit, I wished we had gotten to know each other earlier.

"So do you think you and Luke will get married?" I asked. I hoped that I wasn't overstepping my bounds, but they had been a couple for quite some time now and I was just curious.

"I don't know. I mean I want to get married eventually and I love Luke, but I don't see marriage being my top priority right now. I've been focusing on my photography career. I do want to adopt though, and being married helps with that process." She leaned over closer to me and whispered, "he doesn't know that though. I'm kind of scared to bring it up. He's told me that he wants kids, but it's always been a dream of mine to adopt, give care to a child who is lacking it."

"That's beautiful," I smiled. Adoption had never crossed my mind, but I supposed it was because Hope came along and I had my hands full. My hands instinctively went to my stomach, where my new child was. I hadn't had much time to really think about being pregnant with the fundraiser and all.

"Is something wrong?" Rachel asked.

"Oh, no," I shook my head quickly and removing my hand from my stomach.

"How are things with you and Michael? You seem to get along fairly well considering all that's happened with you two."

I took a sip of my tea that I had been holding before answering. "Yeah, it feels like things are too good," I shrugged. "Lately, he's been overly sweet and caring. He's always been that way, but we aren't together so there's no need for him to show me that kind of care, I guess."

"Do you want to be together?" she asked, the question I had been struggling with for quite some time.

The simple answer would be yes. But there were always circumstances that would pull us apart and I had learned over the years that love wasn't enough of a reason to be together. There needed to be trust and loyalty as well as other things, which have all been tested in the past of our relationship.

"You're overthinking it," Rachel said simply.

"What?" I asked, confused. How could I be overthinking this? I can't just all of a sudden go up to Michael and tell him that I want to be in a relationship again. There's too much that's happened and he keeps telling me that he doesn't want to get his hopes up anymore.

"You're overthinking my question. I'm not asking if you think you should be with him again. I'm asking if you want to. What is your heart telling you?"

"My heart tells me that I'm only ever going to love him," I answered after a few moments of silence between us.

"Yes! I won!" Michael yelled from the kitchen, interrupting our conversation.

Rachel smiled at me, without saying anything before getting up. I sat alone on the couch, holding my tea in one hand and my other on my stomach. Michael had told me that he was going to be here for me and the baby this time, that he wasn't going to desert us. I knew I shouldn't read too much into it, but it made a part of me believe that we would actually get married sometime and be the family that I had always dreamed of.

"Mommy?" Hope asked, walking into the living room fifteen minutes later. She crawled up onto the couch and cuddled up to my side.

"What is it, baby?"

"Do you think that I'm ever going to have a brother or sister?"

Her question came out of nowhere and I was frozen in place, completely shocked. There was no way that she could know I was pregnant, only Michael and I knew. I recovered somewhat quickly and said, "Maybe, sweetie. Do you want a brother or sister?" I stroked her head, getting her blondish hair out of her eyes.

She nodded. "I want a sister. That way I can play dolls with her and we can sing and dance to daddy's music."

I smiled to myself and thought that maybe this pregnancy wasn't all bad. I had been scared shitless when I found out I was pregnant with her, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Hope hopped down off the couch and wandered off into the kitchen where the guys were still playing card games. I got up and followed so I could bring my empty mug to the sink. I didn't say anything as I passed through, seeing that Hope was now sitting on Michael's lap, holding his cards in her small hands. I smiled at the sight before walking to my bedroom.

***

"What were you and Rachel talking about?" Michael asked me. We were sitting on my bed a few hours later. Everyone had wanted to go out to get some drinks, but I stayed home using Hope as my excuse not to go. Michael said he wasn't feeling up to going, the guys finally giving up on trying to get him to go after ten minutes.

"Nothing," I said, not wanting to admit that he had been the topic of most of our conversation.

"Oh come on, Summer. I'm not stupid, you can tell me."

"Just life, I guess," I shrugged. We were leaning up against my headboard, but Michael shifted so that he was now laying on his side, facing me and propping himself up on his elbow. His green eyes were staring at me intently, searching for more of an answer. "What are you thinking about?" I asked, nervous to know the answer.

"How much I want to kiss you," he said, a small smirk on his pink lips.

"Hope's right in the other room," I said, recalling that she had caught us in a compromising position not too long ago.

"Doesn't mean I can't think about kissing you," he said, his cheeks turning slightly red. "You don't have to be afraid," he whispered as he slowly moved closer to me, his finger tips brushing along my hip underneath my shirt and causing shivers to run up my spine. My breath caught as he lightly pressed his lips to mine in a lingering kiss.

"What are we doing?" I asked, throwing my head back after the kiss ended.

"Figuring things out, rediscovering ourselves," Michael said simply. "I know I've been distant in the past and told you that I don't want to get my hopes up with you, but I can't deny my love for you. I don't want to anymore, Winter. I want to be with you, no matter how long it takes for you to get it through your thick skull that you want to be with me too."

"I can't sleep. I had a bad dream," Hope said, standing in my bedroom doorway in her spiderman pajamas preventing me from responding to Michael. She had her thumb in her mouth, a habit that we had been trying to get her to kick.

"Ok, come here baby," I said, opening my arms for her to come join us on the bed. She crawled over me and squeezed her way in the middle of Michael and I. "What was your dream about?"

"I had a nightmare that you and daddy were gone and didn't love me anymore," she whimpered.

"Oh, baby. That will never come true, ok? Mommy and I are right here and we always will be," Michael told her and kissed her forehead.

"Promise?" she asked.

"Of course," I reassured her. "We'll stay right here all night with you, ok?" I looked to Michael, hoping that he was alright with this. I knew that it wasn't the greatest parenting to let your child sleep in your bed everytime they had a bad dream, but I wanted Hope to know that we loved her and always would. She was my world and I knew she was Michael's as well. Michael nodded to me, gving a small smile.

We all snuggled together under my duvet and soon, Hope was fast asleep, a look of peace on her face. Michael found my hand with his and lace our fingers together, reassuring me that he would always be here for me like he would be for our daughter. His words from earlier stuck with me as I closed my eyes to fall asleep, realizing that this is how our life is supposed to be. We just took some wrong turns to get here.

i'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, i don't feel that great. i hope you had a nice thanksgiving yesterday if you celebrate it (i'm thankful for all of you that read this and have stuck with me through my sucky updating schedule). please vote and comment xx zoe

p.s. I'm in love with michael's red hair.