DAY6-The Book of Us: Hidden Pages

III- JAEPIL: Pacman

Three weeks have passed and the news hasn't died out. They're in close scrutiny by the company and the media and the fight between the members just made the environment even more difficult to breath. Brian stopped talking to Jae totally. Sungjin and Dowoon would check on him once in a while. Every day he would go to work trying his best not to break down.

Wonpil avoided Jae. He even went home to his parents to avoid talking to him in the dorm. There was no goodbye or closure. It just ended. Jae was left alone to find a solution to the situation while struggling to survive each day without Wonpil. They would see each other in the practice room and in performances but after that, Wonpil treats Jae as a complete stranger. And that hurt more.

Every night, he calls him. Every night, no one answers.

It became unbearable. He just needed answers...or not. He just needs Wonpil to be by his side again. But that won't probably happen now. That will never happen now.

Jae asked for Dowoon's help to arrange a dinner with Wonpil. He knows Wonpil won't come if he learns that it's him who wanted to talk.

Dowoon set them up in one of the VIP cubicles of his sister's restaurant. His sister knew about the situation and closed the restaurant earlier that night to give time and extra privacy for the two.

Jae arrived first and sat on the chair situated near the sliding door so his back was against it. He was anxious and restless. He wants to say so many things to Wonpil but his mind could not formulate something sensible at that moment. A few minutes later, he heard the door behind him open. He couldn't turn around.

"Why is it so quiet outside?" Wonpil asked the person he thought was Dowoon and moved towards the vacant chair opposite the door's direction.

For some reasons, Jae couldn't find the words to say and stayed frozen in his position, still not looking at Wonpil's direction.

"You okay? You changed your hair..." Wonpil stopped midsentence when it hit him. He wasn't even completely seated when he stood up and walked towards the door's direction again.

"Wonpil-ah." Jae finally found his voice. It was full of longing. Almost a whisper but Jae knew Wonpil heard it.

Wonpil continued his way towards the door but Jae caught his hand when he was just about to pull the door handle.

"Five minutes. Just give me five minutes." Jae pleaded.

Wonpil pulled his hand from Jae's grip and stopped from his tracks. His back was against him. Jae was still sitting with both their backs against each other. Jae took the stillness as a permission to speak.

"I know you wanted to end this. I'm not going to ask you why or ask you to choose. I know. I understand. Don't worry about me. I will try to bear it." He was chocked with his emotions. Wonpil was still silent.

"I will make it easier for you. I just want to make sure about one thing." He continued.

"Is this what you want?" Jae asked in almost a whisper. There was silence and tension that seemed to last forever.

"I regret loving you." Wonpil finally spoke. It sounded like a bomb was dropped inside the room.

Jae knew that this night will be painful but he didn't expect it to be this much. The words remained in echoes in his head. It took a while before he could snap out of it.

"I need you to be happy. Be happy. I can take everything as long as you're happy." Jae spoke trying his hardest to hide his breaking voice.

"I will." Wonpil nodded indifferently.

There goes the answer. That was what this evening was all about. Jae finally had his answer.

There was a very long silence before Wonpil pulled the door handle and finally left the room.

Jae was left alone immobile. He was staring at his hand that touched Wonpil's hand earlier. His warmth still lingered on the tips of it. He doesn't want to forget it. The last time they touched.

---

Sungjin just washed up when he heard the door's beeping. It must be one of the boys, he noted mentally as he prepared to go to bed. He heard the door next to his door close and concluded that it was Jae who just got home. He turned off the lights and lied down on his bed and waited for sleep to come. It was a tiring day.

After a few minutes he heard noises in Jae's room. The walls were thin so Sungjin, as a very sensitive person, hears everything even if Jae tries to be quiet. He just let it pass hoping it would stop. A few moments and the noises got louder and louder.

What is he playing this time? Sungjin asked himself now annoyed. It sounded like he's beating something. Did he purchase a new game again? Sungjin asked himself while getting more and more annoyed about the noise.

The noises continued and Sungjin can't bear it anymore.

He stood up from his bed and made his way out towards Jae's door. He knows he doesn't lock the door so he knocked only twice and opened the door right away.

It was already late when he realized that he shouldn't have done that. He should have been sensitive enough to grasp what was going on in Jae's room.

From the door's entrance Sungjin saw Jae punching the wall of his room. He was crying really hard while trying his best to suppress the sound of his crying. He was a mess. His face was red in anger. His hands were turning purple from all the punching and beating he did to the wall. He was in anguish and his silent scream and cry made it even more painful to watch.

"Jae. Stop it." Sungjin said calmly as he walked towards Jae to stop him from hurting himself.

It was only when Sungjin called that he noticed him.

"Get out!" Jae screamed but Sungjin was fast to grab his hands.

"Stop it! You're hurting yourself!" Sungjin said as he continued to restrain him.

"Get out! Let me be." Jae cried in anguish as he tried to free his hands from Sungjin's grip.

"What happened? Tell me." Sungjin said trying to calm Jae down. Jae just replied with more crying until he slid down the floor. He hugged his knees and continued to cry. Now that Sungjin heard him, there's no reason for him to mute his crying anymore.

Sungjin sat on the floor and leaned on the wall. Jae cannot see his position but he can see Jae from where he was. He stayed there quietly as he waited for Jae to calm down.

Jae was crying for a while before he stopped. He was still sitting on the floor with his back leaning against his bed. His head hung down and his hair covered his swollen eyes.

Sungjin patiently waited until Jae was ready to open up.

"I'm moving out." Jae finally spoke.

It's not really something Sungjin was surprised to hear about because Jae always talked about moving out since he plays games very loudly and he didn't want to bother the boys. But now he doesn't think that his gaming is the reason.

"When?" Sungjin asked coolly.

"This week." Jae replied.

There was silence before Jae continued.

"Can you look after Wonpil?" Jae paused as he swallowed another wave of emotion that's about to come out.

"We ended it." Jae spoke as a tear escaped from his eyes.

Sungjin doesn't really know how to respond.

"Just make sure he's okay." He continued.

"How about you? Nobody's going to look after you when you leave." Sungjin asked.

"I'm gonna be okay. I'm going to fix this mess and everything's going to be okay." Jae replied.

"I will look after Wonpil for you if you promise me you'll never do this again. If you can't take it call me or Dowoon. We're here to listen." Sungjin offered.

"I'm okay. I'm glad it ended. He's finally free from me." Jae lied.

-to be continued