secrets - dreamnotfound

6

i slept for the rest of the day and all night. i was now awake the next morning. "Sunday, no school today." i whisper to myself, sighing. i looked at my phone to see multiple missed calls and messages from clay, i had given him my number while i was there. i read some of the messages that kept popping up at the top of my screen. he was still messaging me.

clay🟢- george

clay🟢- george pls

clay🟢- georeg

clay🟢-*george

clay🟢- pls

clay🟢-im sorry

clay🟢- pls

clay🟢-i just want to know if your ok

clay🟢-are u at your house?

clay🟢-are you safe?

clay🟢-george pls

clay🟢-im sorry

clay🟢-i didnt mean it

clay🟢- no homo??

clay🟢-pls george

clay🟢-just answer me

the messages kept coming through at the top of my screen, i kept ignoring them. 

clay🟢- just let me know your alive and ok

then the messages stopped. that was the last one. guilt swelled up inside me and i felt bad for not replying. with shaking fingers i typed out a reply.

me - i'm fine

then the messages kept coming back again, saying how scared he was. i re read some of the old messages and one of them stuck out to me, clay🟢- no homo??

i'm not sure why it did. i almost felt disappointed. but i knew it was wrong, I'm a boy i like girls, i can't like boys i was learnt that my whole life.

i sigh, opening my camera roll to see the pictures we had taken while messing around. most were just pictures clay had taken of himself when i was sleeping as a joke. they were of him pulling funny faces and unflattering looks that you wouldn't want people to see. 

i kept scrolling through them, tons of them. a noticed a smile creeping across my face because of how childish clay was, but i didn't stop the smile. i kept going through the photos and met one that made butterflies flutter around my stomach.

i had never felt so many butterflies before, the feeling in my stomach felt nice. i stared at the photo again. i was asleep on clay's lap and he had a hand in my hair, twirling strands of hair around his long fingers. i quickly add the photo to my favourites album without thinking.

i put my phone away trying to hide the pink on my cheeks. i walk down stairs in a good mood. i'm meet with my dad's face, she looked calmer than last time i saw him. "get changed, we're getting stuff for your room." he says, turning back to whatever he was occupied with. 

i walked back into my room, i dig through my suitcase and pull out an outfit. i have loads of different styles so i chose clothes that matched with each other. 

i threw on mom jeans that i had cuffed, an oversized black shirt that i tucked in and i finished it off with a black belt around my waist and i headed to the bathroom. i stared in the mirror before running a hand through my hair, it wasn't that messy but i fixed it up a tiny bit. i grabbed an eyeliner and drew around my eye lightly. 

is stepped back looking at myself, i shrugged my shoulders and walked down stairs. "get in the car, george." i heard my mum yell from outside. i grabbed some black vans and hopped out the door, trying to get the shoes on my feet. 

i got in the car and closed the door. we began driving and i stared out the window, thinking about what happed with clay. i really liked it the feeling of comfort i got from it. i would do it again in a heartbeat. but i knew deep down it was wrong, very wrong. i wished i could just kiss the boy again, show him i care about him platonically. he wanted to attach myself to clay's lips and never let go. i want to hug him all night. i wan-

my thoughts were interrupted my being told to get out the car. we were outside a shop that sells furniture, decorations and paint. we all step into the shop, it was really busy inside so all of my family decided to go our won ways, getting what we needed. 

i grabbed a couple cans of white paint, a couple of pale grey paint and one of light blue. i found a bed that looked nice but i obviously couldn't carry it so i tried to remember it. i found other things i wanted for my room, such as led lights, small plants, fairy lights and other small decorations. i couldn't carry the other things i needed so i went to look for my parents to tell them.

"george?" i heard a familiar voice say. i turn around to see a surprised looking clay. why was clay in a furniture shop? i stare at the boy in front of me. i pull him around a corner and we smash our lips together, i push him against a shelf and we both kiss eagerly.

we were both hungry for more. i could feel clay's heart beating and i could hear our messy breaths. clay flips around so he was now pinning me against the shelf. he nibbled on my bottom lip and i opened my mouth. clay's tongue explored every part of my mouth. i pulled away, "i have to go, call me." i say walking away, winking at him. clay stood there, mouth agape, unsure of what just happened. i giggle and go back to looking for my parents.

soon i find them and tell them about which bed, which wardrobe and which desk i wanted. i was walking around showing one of the people who worked in the shop which one it was for everything. they helped us get what we wanted and my parents were paying. i lock eyes with clay who was standing at the end of the shopping line, i wink at him and my parents walk out of the shop. i sit back down in the car next to heather. 

my parents begin arguing loudly. "so, clay's your boyfriend?" heather asks me, my eyes widen, she asked quietly, there was no way either of my parents could hear over their own yells. "what? no. we're best friends" i say, begging she hadn't seen us, "ok, but i don't go around pinning my best friend to the wall." heather definitely saw them.

"if i tell you something do you promise you won't tell mum and dad?" i ask as we reach our house. "yeah, that's what siblings are for." she says with a smile. we both get out the car. i take all of my  things inside with difficulty. everything was boxed up but was still very heavy. after about 10 minutes i get all of my stuff upstairs. i sit down on the mattress. 

i hear a knock on my door, "come in." i say. heather walks in closing the door behind her. "what did you want to tell me then?" she says, sitting on the other side of the mattress. i begin explaining everything. everything i had been feeling. how i knew it was wrong but i wanted to kiss him and how i missed him all the time, i finished off by saying, "i love him, i really do."

i then realised what i just said, i knew it was true. i just didn't know if it was platonic or romantic. i sigh, burying my head in my hands.

heather pulls me into a hug. "do you want to know my secret?" heather asks, her voice was calming and it was the only thing that made me feel safe being at home, that's why i have to protect her.

"yeah?" i say, i said it as if it was a question, i wasn't sure if she actually wanted to tell me or not.

"well you know Alice?"

i knew Alice, she was heathers best friend in England, the two were inseparable, she was over for a sleepover at least 5 times a week. i nodded a yes.

"she's my girlfriend."

i stare at heather in misbelief. how? heathers so nice. gay people are rude, disrespectful and selfish. but heather is none of those things. 

"and now we facetime every day." heather continued. she had a smile growing across her face as she carried on talking about her girlfriend. i had never seen her so happy, heather deserved to be happy. maybe not all gay people are bad, i think to myself.