Cheat [MxM] (Carter Brothers Book 1)

Chapter 13

A/N: Date Pt3 - Chapter contains sex.
Happy pancake day! :)

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EZRA ▪︎ POV

I watched Jae peel off his clothes, my eyes travelling the length of his strong, lean body. He pulled his large sweater up and over his head, revealing, smooth tan skin and ink. I stepped towards him, reaching out to stroke the intricately drawn flowers on his chest. They were a mixture of lilies, roses and dahlia attached to a string of leaves that spanned from the middle of his chest across his right peck. They were gorgeous, even without any colour, the black shading gave the piece eye catching depth.

Jae paused in undressing, allowing me to caress his tattoo patiently. "They don't mean anything specific," he hummed gently, breaking the silence and I looked up, tilting my head in confusion. He simply smiled, squeezing my hand where it touched his chest. "You're supposed to have this super deep, intense meaning behind tattoos because they're permanent, right? Not me, I liked the art so I got it tatted," he shrugged.

Jae twisted, showing me the mythical dragon that swirled above his hip, surrounded by a constellation of stars and planets. "I'm gonna reincarnate as a dragon when I die... and space is both eerily creepy and fascinatingly cool." He grinned up at me.

I chuckled, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him into my body. "I love this about you. How you're so unapologetically yourself, without a care. I'm envious."

"You shouldn't be. It gets me into trouble sometimes," he winked at me, before pressing a kiss to the side of my mouth. "You don't feel like you can be your true self?"

I thought about the question, mulling it over carefully in my mind. Did I feel like the person I was now, wasn't truly who I was on the inside? Yes and no. I was human and I unconciously adapted my personality to fit my surroundings. I learned to do it as a professional at work, when I'm the perfect son with my parents, when I'm the strong husband with Renee and even sometimes when I'm the perfect dad with Ollie. I can't help that.

But it was also deeper than that. "I can't tell my parents I'm bisexual because that's not the ideal sexuality they would ever except from their son. I can't tell my work colleagues that I'd rather curl up on my couch eating pizza and watching cheesy romantic comedies, rather then network at crazy functions because the people in my upperclass business world intimidate me more than I'd ever admit. I can't tell Evan that I rely on him for emotional support and praise because he'd feel burdened and more than that, he'd feel guilty for pushing me away after Renee, even though it was best for the two of us.

"I can't tell Renee that I'm emotionally fragile at heart and each time she does something to hurt me, my heart breaks just a tiny bit more, because that is not the man she originally started dating and I have to hide that even more now that we're getting divorced. And Ollie? I have to be a hero for my baby, nothing less."

Jae was silent, simply staring up at me with wide eyes and I came back to myself, looking away from him and shaking my head. "I don't know why I'm telling you this." I did know why. I was telling him because I loved him, he was easy to talk to and on top of that, I was hoping that he understood me, even if he couldn't relate. But now wasn't the right time. He brought me to his home so we could have sex, not so that I could talk about my feelings.

"Ezra, I'm happy you confided in me. It makes me feel important to you and you've also given me the true you. There's nothing I'd want more," he ran his hands up my chest to cup either side of my neck. Jae tilted his head with a frown.

"I'm worried about you," he admitted softly, his hooded, dark brown eyes holding my gaze, assessing me. "I want to cry for you because you've been through a lot, heck, you're still going through so much and these emotions... I'm worried that you won't be able to cope. That you'll get overwhelmed or worse then that, you'll get hurt."