Bts one shots

Grief and rant: V

Mentions of suicide!!!

⚠️‼️ beware if triggering ‼️⚠️

Context: jungkook confessed to Taehyung but it was too late and he moved onto namjoon. Taehyung is also dealing with the loss of his little sister, she died after hanging out with Taehyung and jungkook and they all got in a car accident

Okay
Basically it hurts
Really bad
It's only my fault.
I hate this feeling.
I should have been more brave.
Been more clear with my emotions.
Been less stupid.

In all honesty I've liked him since I was in middle school.
He's my best friend. I really don't want to loose him. Ugh I'm so dumb. He told me how he felt and I did nothing about it I got really nerves and scared because I didn't admit to my sexuality because of my family. I also feel bad because his best friend confessed to me first. In all honesty I think I'm too disgusting to be with him or anyone else. I've blown my chance I'll be lonely forever

Then him. Oh boy is this a kick in the stomach
I confessed in summer he said he didn't want to date he wasn't over his old crush and a few months later he tells me he likes my best friend. God that hurt and it still does I really feel useless and disgusting. I want to tell someone it hurts keeping it inside but I can't do anything about it I can't confess now and confuse him anymore. It just hurts so bad I want to cry
If only
Maybe if I was braver?
Maybe if I knew what I felt?
I'll never know.
All I can do is hold it in until I explode....

Oh look I'm crying he rejected namjoon how he did me why does it hurt?
I'm just dumb and lonely
I don't deserve love
I only deserve pain and suffering
They
They deserve the world
I will do what I can to make them have it.
I'm so pathetic I should die no one could love me. Heh my hopes rise before I kill them again

I
Am
So
Pathetic

He needs help right now and I'm doing nothing.
I just want a hug, to be loved. I don't deserve it though  and I know that. But still...
I'm noticing all my flaws that I have I hate speaking now. Every time I stutter or don't make sense I die a little inside. Oh man my urges bro to just cut and die
Maybe I can visit sis if I do. She was the only one who loved me.
And she died
It was my fault.
I shouldn't have let her go
I should've tried
It's my fault
I should've died
Jungkook blames himself
He's hurting too
Yet I only think of myself

And on top of that I want to tell him
I know I can't
I want to though...
for a glimpse of hope
But I have to extinguish it.
I should be put out too.
It would be easier on father he wouldn't have to spend so much Money.
My brother could have my room, my stuff.
My older sister can have my money she won't have me to annoy her anymore. I'm sorry sis, I'm sorry Bro I'm sorry jungkook, and Jimin I'm sorry I feel this way.
I can't though sister wouldn't forgive me neither would grandma I couldn't imagine how she would feel.
Father ... he means good but I can remember all he's said about my depression about my weight how he's wanted to kill us and every time he hit us or put us down. Maybe he would be nicer to my siblings? Boy I want to talk to jungkook but he went to "sleep" oh man am I a burden.
Would Jin miss me? He's been my friend for years i thought he liked me. He told me he hated me up till middle school
Not going to lie that hurt like a lot.
I miss my dog
I miss Lil sis
I miss Uncle
I miss grandpa
I miss so many people
I miss being happy
I miss not being depressed
I just want to lay in peace
But I can't
It hurts knowing I can't
They say it gets better
For me that's when I'm 6 feet under.