MULTIFANDOM IMAGINES

Elijah Mikaelson ~ Thoughts That Consume

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Includes: Triggering, attempted suicide, angst, and breakdown

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A/N: Inspired by personal experiences. I know an imagine like this is not for everyone and sometimes can increase certain mental issues, so read at your own risk.

Another sob wrenched across my body. I couldn't breathe through my nose, and my mouth was dry with chapped lips. My shaky tongue went over them to try and moist them up, but it only made it worse. Elijah had always told me never to lick my lips, but I still did it anyway. The buzzing of my phone made me jump in the air and immediately hit decline. Not even checking to see who it was. I picked up the pen I dropped from how startled I was and looked back to the blank piece of paper.

I couldn't decide what to write. Where would I start? How do thousands of people do this? If thousands of people could write a suicide note, then I could, right? My phone rang again, but this time I didn't flinch and merely looked at the caller ID. Nik. I didn't know why or my reasoning, but I hit the accept button and put it on speakerphone.

"What, Nik?" I asked, trying to contain my cries to make it seem like I was fine.

"Why didn't you answer my first call?" the hybrid snapped, causing me to wince.

I didn't answer so he had to call my name. "Oh, that was you? Sorry," a tear fell from my eyes.

"Yeah, it was me. Elijah was forcing me to call you to say we aren't coming home for another hour or so. Kol is causing some ruckus and flirting with the bartender," I could hear the annoyance seeping from his voice, and I considered it to be directed towards me. I bit my lip to hold back a sob.

"Okay. That's fine. Keep Kol under control but have fun, Nik. Tell Elijah I love him," my voice broke as I hung up eagerly. I sniffed and glanced down at the item on the bathroom counter. A gun filled with wooden bullets that Elijah gave me for protection. That was the only weapon in the house beside a dagger and white oak stake, and this seemed like the fastest and least painful way to go.

When I finally finished my note a few minutes later, I read it over and over again. I'm sorry, Elijah. You deserved much better. I couldn't think of anything else to write other than something short, so I left it. With tears making rivers down my face, my trembling hand wrapped around the grip of the revolver. 

For the last time, my phone began buzzing. This time it was Rebekah. She and Hayley were out shopping with Hope, so I was home alone. I answered it and this time put it to my ear. "What do you Mikaelsons want?! Can't I have a night by myself!" I yelled through the line.

"God, Y/N. I just called to see if you were okay. Nik gave me a weird call about you, and Elijah got worried --"

"Well then, why doesn't he just call me himself?" It was at the perfect timing when my phone rang again and saw it was Elijah. "I gotta go, Rebekah," I hung up on the Mikaelson girl in exchange for my boyfriend.

"What?" I whined and looked down at the gun in my hands.

"Y/N, I'm leaving Niklaus to deal with Kol and coming home," he raced out; I could hear him walking through the bar the brothers were at.

"Why?"

"Because I want to see you."

"If this is about the call I gave to Nik --"

"No, I want to see you."

My anxiety increased, and my palms got sweaty. "Stay there, Eli. I bet Kol will cooperate soon," I said swiftly.

"Why don't you want me to leave?" Elijah questioned with a certain edge that stuck out. I placed my phone in between my shoulder and ear and took a shaky breath. I cocked the gun in my wet hands, which caused Elijah to snap alert, "Y/N, what was that?"

"Elijah . . . . I know that you could speed over here in seconds, but please, I'm begging you not to."

"Y/N, what's going on," he asked, and my lip quivered.

"I'm in Nik's master bathroom. Let's hope that we see each other again one day," I whispered and heard Elijah's breathing get heavy.

"Y/N, stop whatever you're going to do. Just listen to my voice and calm down --"

"You think I would calm down if I could!" I cut him off. My sudden anger made me put the gun to my temple, rolling one of the wooden bullets to load it.

"Look, I know you're hurting right now but killing yourself won't take that pain away --"

"Yes, it will, Eli."

"-- It'll only cause the people who care about you to feel broken. If you die now, then I won't be able to live with myself, and I'll probably do the same," I could tell that Elijah was trying to hold back tears.

"Then we can be together," I replied.

"We can also be together now! Y/N, you're stronger than this, and you may not think so, but some people love you deeply," my boyfriend stated with a tiny whimper.

"I know. And that's why you should stop stalling me so I can grant people a wish --"

"It's not a wish, Y/N! You don't understand. You see, if you die, then I disconnect with my family at instinct. Then the one thing keeping its broken pieces together leaves while Rebekah has to put it back together for the next 500 years. I would give up trying for them, and so would Niklaus, Hope, even Hayley. If you give up, then so does everyone else," the vampire told me, almost resembling a snake's hiss. My breathing got caught in my throat until I was forced to exhale again. 

"Eli, please. If you love me enough, then you'll free me from all this torture," I said, drowning out my own voice.

"Y/N . . . ." he was at a loss for words now. I heard a snivel, then a gulp. "I guess I don't love you enough."

A rough-edged fist crossed my face, and my consciousness went dark.