The Terror #wattys2017 #TNTHorrorContest

EGO

        Michelle was looking at me with a sincerity I was unfamiliar with, she meant to find out what was going on between Heather and myself, but the only answer I was going to have would be vague at best. I wasn't really sure what that stuff at the hospital was all about and the thing Heather wanted to tell me was now making me a little loony tunes. 

        I thought what she was going to say was that I was too young and that she didn't really feel that way about me.  This I already was aware of and had always been aware of from the beginning of my exposure to her.  I knew I was just a kid to her, but in my heart of hearts there was always that little glimmer of hope that something more could become, so I let her tease me and have her fun embarrassing me and even using me on the occasion to help her out,  going over and above the call of duty just to get some time hanging out with her.

        It was always just in fun though because above all, even at my young age, I was a realist. I had no notions of reality that I would ever be anything more to her than a friend and at last that was fine with me...But, that was before the accident and before two of the men in her life were gone, and as guilty as I felt about that, there was this awful hope that I might fill one of those slots in the beautiful Heather's life. Now she was damaged goods, she had scars that would be there for the rest of her life and still there was no telling how well she was going to recover. She might need someone (like me) to care for her and be there when she was having trouble getting around and unable to work.  At the same time there was the pity, and the pity was easily confused with love but I didn't know this then, I was still just a boy in many ways, though I was wiser than most kids, when it came to love I was completely over my head and about to drown in unfamiliar waters.

        All these many things were dancing through my head when Michelle asked me,

           "What exactly was that you had going on with my best friend at the hospital tonight?"  

        I shrugged my shoulders and averted my attention to putting way too much sugar in my coffee cup and trying to appear nonchalant.

        'What do you mean, going on? Nothing out of the usual was going on." I'm stirring my coffee while pouring in the cream, trying not to look up.

        "I'm pretty sure there was something a little more intense that you're trying to avoid talking about."

        "Who me?" Shaking the ketchup bottle and trying to get it to shake out on the fries. "I'm really not a person who avoids talking about things, get some of these fries while there still nice and hot."

        "Quit trying to change the conversation buddy boy, you and I are going to talk about your feelings towards Heather, I think you might be a little confused about things and you ARE going to talk to me about it."

         I tried to light a cigarette and she gently and persuasively took my hand, then touched my cheek with her other.  She nailed me with her crystal blue eyes and I could not look away.

        "I was there you know? I saw you look into her eyes and tell her you loved her, those are big words Merrill, those words mean something, especially when you look a girl in the eye like that. I want to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into, especially with Heather. I love her like a sister but I know what she can do to a guy, especially a nieve cutie pie like you."

        I was stunned to silence, all I could do was look down at the table, my eyes filled with tears. I took my hand from hers and grabbed a napkin before they ran down my cheeks, got up from the table and went to the men's room so none of my buddies could see I was crying.  I splashed cold water on my face and looked in the mirror, "Who the fuck am I ?" I thought to myself, "What the hell am I doing to myself?" I took a piss and washed my hands and took a deep breath before returning to the table. 

        I slid into the booth across from Michelle who was now looking at me as if she had done something wrong. I took another deep breath and sighed while giving Michelle a smile and reached my hand across the table, she took it and I said,

        "I do want to talk to you about this but this is not the place. I know too many people here that I don't want all up in my bidness and most certainly don't want them to see me cry. I have an ego to protect you know. So lets have our coffee and eat our fries and we can go elsewhere to have this conversation. There is no one else I would have this conversation with besides you Michelle, I want you to know that."

        She shook her head and gave me that grin only she could grin with those misshapen lips and I think I might have fallen in love with her right then. I knew I was in real trouble now and Dales' head began to make itself noticed in my lap.  FUCK.