a renegade; W2S

12

"Hélille," Mia whispers into my ear, while stroking my hair as if it is golden silk. "Someone's been looking at you almost all night."

I tense up slightly and look up at her and she smiles, knowing now that she has me on strings. I hope to god it's who I want it to be.

"Blue eyes just like you said," she whispers so quietly, I shouldn't be able to hear it in a club like this but my heart is thumping in my chest, banging against my ribs like it knows they're holding it captive. "Ethan."

As the word leaves her lips, I feel my heart sink slightly. I was lost in some sort of euphoria, dreaming it was those same dreamy blue eyes I had gazed into before, the come down is hitting like a knife to the neck. It's not like Ethan is bad looking, it's not like he's not charming.

Then, what is it Hélille? He is just so 'on the surface', I feel like I know everything there is to him, every crevice filled. I've only known him for less than a day, and already to feel like that is exhausting. As a friend, he's stable, funny and caring from what I can see. But there's no oasis, no mirage or foreign sentiments I can't make out. No foggy thoughts when I see his face.

"Get your mans," Mia mumbles to me and I clench my jaw. It's too early for any kind of rejection to anybody, I could ruin any chance of being friends with any of them. But I can't fake something. Maybe it is a part of their game to get with me. I doubt it for some reason.

"Hélille, want me to buy you a drink?" Ethan says, like he can somehow read my mind. Mia smiles encouragingly and pushes me off, and begrudgingly I smile at Ethan.

He grabs my hand, quite strongly, and pulls me towards a corner near the bar, before Will has even come back with the shots. There is some strong purpose behind his taking me away. And I hope to god he isn't about to unload onto me why he has been looking at me so intently (apparently).

I stand in front of him, in a corner of the club that's slightly quieter, away enough from the noise to use talking voices and unluckily slightly too far from the music to drown out anything that you want to be left unheard.

"Hélille, I think I gotta tell you something," he says, scratching his neck. It's not in an awkward cuteness like I so wish it is, it's a grave and pensive kind of motion.

"I'm sorry Ethan, I just can't have anything right now. I'm not ready," I blurt out, the alcohol almost seeping from my mouth. Ethan tilts his head inquisitively, like what I have said makes no sense, like we're wandering in different cities of thought.

"Err... Hélille, no. I don't want 'anything'," he says with a small, raw smile. I furrow my brows, now I'm confused. "I just thought I should tell you that the boys are playing this stupid fucking game as to who can get with you first. I should have never agreed to it."

I smile at him widely, appreciating the sentiment and heads-up but I'm already a few steps ahead of him.

"Thanks for telling me, that's so strange," I say, a little absent in my words as the lies slip from my thoughts to my mouth. It will be more fun if I hide the fact I already know.

"We can leave if you want," he says and that sentence puzzles me. It has me slightly stumped, I had no idea what he was going to say next, usually it's easy to judge a flow of conversation, but it seems strange. "Probably should, everyone's a little too drunk and we've got a lot left of this trip."

"I haven't got all the party out of me yet," I say, still slightly bewildered by the change of conversation. It's seems off and false in its delivery. "But fine I guess you're right."

I go back to the booth to grab my bag, which is right next to Mia. She's not looking my way, so I grab it without saying anything and hardly looking. My head is starting to slightly spin as I tug on the strap and a phone falls flat on the floor, it's not mine. I have no clue who's phone is it, but it buzzes and lights up with a notification.

Ethan Behz
Mate, I think I've fucking bagged Hélille. Leaving now, unlucky son.

The phone slips from my mind as I fumble my hands around. I stand slightly in shock, slightly paralysed. I knew something was strange, and I almost lost the game I had sworn to play well. How could I have been so naïve?

I'm not even angry at Ethan, I'm too drunk for that. Even if I wasn't drunk I don't think I'd care, it's not like I have any feelings for any of them really.

"Mia, where did you put my phone?" He says, the blue-eyed, dirty blonde boy who's smile could melt Antarctica.

"I left it on Hélille's bag," she says turning around then seeing me, "who is well here."

"Here, your phone sir," I say passing it to him and something pointy is in my chest, gnawing at everything, while also tying knots and releasing butterflies. His eyes meet mine and as he sees the message I see them widen.

"Hélille did you er..," he says and before he can finish I nod my head.