Pursuing Our Freedom| ✓

Kabanata 37

TW: violence

Kabanata 37

I remember why I retained my hairstyle. Some find it childish that I still braid my hair even if I'm almost an adult. Pero hindi ko sila pinapansin; I still braid my hair because this was the only thing my Mom taught me. Siya ang nagturo sa akin kung paano mag-tirintas.

I want her to know that I still remember the way she taught me how to twist and style my hair. I want her to know that I appreciate her small gesture of love.

"Congrats, Philo!" Paulene hugged me, her cheeks clashing onto mine. Niyakap ko rin siya pabalik. She's smaller than me, pero mas malakas ang boses niya at mas matapang siyang tingnan kumpara sa akin.

"Paulene! May picture taking pa tayo kasama si Sir Castro!" Zafirah shouted from afar, she took a quick look at me before providing a small smile. Lumapit siya sa'min.

I returned her gesture. She always look like she's already a professional. Palaging malinis tingnan kahit na hanggang balikat na lamang ang buhok niya ngayon. She used to always have a high ponytail.

"Sige na, Pau. Mamaya na lang po..." I uttered incoherently as she was pulled away by Zafirah to the side of the ABM graduates.

Graduation na namin. I stole a glimpse of the lane of the STEM strand. Nakita ko si Iscalade na naka-toga rin at kausap ang kaibigan niya. He looks good. Gorgeous even. Nagpagupit 'yata siya kaya lalong nadepina ang kan'yang gwapong mukha. My cheeks flushed as I lower down my gaze.

It isn't his fault that we're far apart from each other. He did try to reconnect with me plenty of times; ako lang ang pilit na umiiwas. He even sent me messages through my social media accounts, kahit sa mismong email ko ay nag-send siya. He was apologizing but I ignored it all even if I wanted to reply to him.

I don't even know why he's saying sorry. Pakiramdam ko wala naman akong karapatan masaktan. I don't wanna imposed this pain to them. All the suffering should only be directed to me because I was the one who initiated a confession that is already long overdue.

I don't want Naiara to have the wrong idea. I respect the both of them as much as how Naiara showed respect and kindness towards me.

It's just unfair that I can still feel my heart throbbing for his mere existence. The way he doesn't even try but he can occupy every nook of my mind. Agad na binawi ko ang aking tingin sa kan'ya nang bigla siyang lumingon sa direksyon ko. My heart almost leaped out of my chest. I should probably stop it now. More or less, Naiara's going to be his girlfriend soon.

"Philo," his honeyed voice called over. My entire body froze and I immediately gulped. When I turned around, he was holding a bonquet of daisies.

"Congrats," tipid niyang ngiti. "Nasaan sina Tita?"

"She's coming..." I replied briefly, trying to calm my racing heart. Naiiyak na naman ako. "Baka ma-late lang p-po..."

I accepted the flowers and felt his warmth touch. The side of my eyes are starting produce tears. Pinigilan ko lang ito sa pamamagitan ng pagkagat sa aking ibabang labi, I repressed the longing I had for him.

"N-naiara's coming po ba?" halos inubos ko ang natitirang kapal ng mukha para sa tanong na 'yon.

"Hindi naman natin siya school mate, Philo..." Iscalade answered, vaguely. Kumurap-kurap pa siya bago magtiim bagang.

"You know, to congratulate you..." my eyes landed on the daisies, it was evident that it was freshly picked. I hate how he knows everything about me. And I hate how it still affects me just the same. I hate how my heart feels being twisted in total affliction because of it.