Orange sky / Looking for Alaska

They couldn't hit an elephant from this distance (pt 2)

trigger warning: panic attack

"I never realised how uncool I dressed until this second, you know you guys are kind of bad friends for not talking to me about it" Pudge complains to the colonel, Jason and I as we all stare blankly at him. We're hanging out in their room watching him stress over his first date, how cute.

"Both of those shirts are completely.... satisfactory" the colonel says. "I'm not going for satisfactory" Pudge replies. "Maybe you should iron them" I suggest, "you'll look a lot more decent"

"What did Alaska say about dressing for a first date?" Pudge asks completely ignoring me. I roll my eyes and pout at Jason who chuckles and wraps his arm around me. "I feel like I should be kind of formal, But it is a group thing. And in a gym, so maybe not too formal" 

"Hey a polo with a tie isn't a thing, right?" Pudge asks continuing his rant. I squint at him, "Pudge, what the fuck?" I ask him trying not to laugh. "I'm just gonna go ask her" he concludes. okay then. "You do realise you're going on a date with Lara not Alaska, right?" The colonel says to him but is completely ignored as Pudge walks out the door. Is this boy okay? 

The colonel looks at Jason and I as we basically cuddle on his couch. "Can't believe it took you guys almost two years to finally confess your feelings towards each other." He says and I blush and hide my face. I don't look at Jason because I'm scared he'll laugh at me or make fun of me or something. "Whatever man" Jason says. oh. 

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We stand outside Lara's door as Pudge knocks on it. Lara and Pudge greet each other and Lara looks at us, we all smile and wave.

As we walk to the game Takumi says to Alaska, "Not too late to turn back. You and Jake can still enjoy a nice, quiet evening away from the basketball game". "Yeah I heard Paul and Marya are gonna be there" I say to Alaska. She looks at me confused before saying "Then how will Jake see how much our beloved team sucks" before jumping on Jake's back. I roll my eyes at her antics. I have a feeling this quadruple and a half date isn't gonna go very well. I hear Pudge trying to make conversation with Lara behind us and I smile.

While we wait in line to enter the gym, I look at Jason. Should I tell him what I know aboout the rat, or what I think I know? I might as well. We walk into the gym and I see Pudge completely ignore Lara and sit somewhere else. huh. 

"Jason, I need to tell you something" I whisper to him as we sit down. He grabs my hand and smiles "What is it? You can tell me anything" he whispers back. "I think Alaska's the rat and honestly, I'm scared of what's gonna happen tonight" I say to him. "Wait, what" he starts to say but is interrupted by Alaska yelling. 

"Marya"

"Marya"

Is she crazy. She just gets ignored by Marya.

We watch the game, culver  creeks are losing again. shocker. Then The colonel gets up. "Hey, Eastman! I heard your daddy was bigfoot and your mom was chewbacca, And y'all communicate like this" He says then imitates chewbacca. I giggle and look at Jason but he ignores me. He has been since the start of the game, He looks deep in thought.

"I know this may not be a good time, but my boy Takumi hooked up with your girl" The Colonel continues. But I don't have the heart to laugh. Jason's ignoring me and Marya and Paul are here. I feel anxiety going through my body and I start bouncing my leg up and down and playing with my fingers. I feel a lump in my throat but I try to push it down. I'm just so stressed and I'm so scared for Alaska and Jason's not fucking helping. 

I'm brought out of my thoughts by Travis Eastman slamming the basketball in Pudge's face. Holy shit. We all get up to check on him.

"24 you outta here" the referee says to Travis. What the fuck is happening, I honestly feel sick.

We wait in the gym while Jake and Lara help Pudge outside. "Culver Creek wins by forfeit" the referee says. Everyone cheers around me but I feel tears in my eyes. I see Alaska go up to Marya. Oh no.

"Hey, why don't you stay away from her you little rat?" I hear Paul say. "Expected you to rat on us but your own fucking roomate?" Longwell says to Alaska. Oh no. The colonel, Sarah, Jason and I all watch from the sidelines but the colonel starts to go up to them. "Chip, stay out of it, please!" Sarah says as the colonel pushes my brother. My breathing starts to quicken.

"ARE YOU GONNA DEFEND HER?" Longwell yells at the colonel. My hands are shaking now, but no one notices my panicked state. "Man, you better backflip the fuck outta my face" The colonel says. The two get broken up by The Eagle. "Is there some sorta dispute here that I can help settle?" He asks "You need to break this up right now!"

"It wasn't Alaska, She would never do this" The colonel says as he walks out of the gym with Sarah and Takumi. Alaska runs out as well. 

I grab my brothers hand "Longwell, I can't breathe" I say. "Oh shit, Tilly" I hear Jason say as I crouch on the floor crying, panicking, shaking, holding my brothers hand. He crouches next to me and tries to rub my back but I shove him off.  

"Shit, right remember we've practiced it before, square breathing okay. Breathe in, 1, 2, 3, 4 and out 1, 2, 3, 4" Longwell says to me trying to calm me down. I do what he says. We sit there on the for what feels like hours but in reality it's only been 20 minutes. I don't even notice that the gym has been cleared and it's just me, Jason and Longwell holding my hands and the eagle just standing there watching. 

"Talitha do you need anything, some water?" The Eagle asks me but I don't reply, I just feel really tired.

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J A S O N

Tilly doesn't respond to the eagle after he asks her if she needs anything. "She'll have a glass of water, thank you" I say to him as I help her up.

She hasn't had a panic attack in a while, I thought she was fine but apparantly tonight triggered something. Was this my fault? If I didn't ignore her would that have happened? Fuck. I just needed to think about what she told me before the game, trying to figure it all out, how long had she known? Why was she onlly telling me then? 

I sigh as I help her to her room, Sarah isn't there. I can tell she's really tired so I pick out pj's for her and help her change into them. I get some makeup wipes as I wipe her makeup off. I brushed her hair out of her face. 

"Tilly, if what happened back there was my fault, I'm so sorry, Fuck baby, I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I love you, okay?" I say to her and kiss her forehead. "I love you too" she whispers to me. 

I smile and I get up to leave when she grabs my hand.

"Stay, please?" she says. "Of course, I'm always here for you." I reply and get in bed with her.

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A/N  Yay another chapter. also poor Tilly, I tried to write her panic attack as well as I could based on my experience. Anyways I hope you all like this chapter.  

P.s Idk if I've said it already but happy new year you guys. and also happy valentines day. thank you for all the love