Duplicity | l.s

08

"You have lots of socks?"  

"Yes."  

"Toiletries."  

"Yes."  

"Your inhaler?"  

"Yes, grandma we went over the list thirty times last night." I laugh.  

Today was the day I say goodbye to my life and welcomed the new one with open arms. Eight months is a long time, a crazy long time. You can nearly grow a whole fetus in eight months.  

Weird way to look at it though.  

"You will be missed you know." Grandma says to me from our stance in the parking lot I was directed to meet at by noon.  

"I'm going to get so homesick." I murmur, ignoring the pit in my stomach.  

"I'm only a phone call away, both of us are." She says while Winnie was sanding next to her hip, looking up at me.  

I smile and kneel down to her head level, running my hand through her brunette hair.  

"You be extra good for grandma okay?" I smile as she stood there with a pout.  

"Why do you have to go for so long?" She whines, my heart breaking.  

"I have to babe, I promise I'll be back before you even know it. Just think about how much bigger you'll be, ten." I say which made her uncontrollably smile with her missing baby tooth. She was nearly through all of her baby teeth at this point.  

"There's that smile." I grin, holding her cheeks.  

She gives me a big hug, my arms engulfing her nine year old body. I shut my eyes and took in the moment, I was really gonna miss her too. She was the light of my life, I felt so guilty leaving her for this long.  

"Stay safe okay?" I whisper in the hold.  

"Stay safe." She says back.  

I smile and pull back, kissing her forehead before standing back up tall and hugging my grandma. She rubbed my back while I hugged her, the perfect feeling to mask this heartbreak I had.  

"You're going to do amazing." She whispers into my ear. "You're parents would be so proud."  

I shut my eyes and nodded, pulling back and fighting back the tears. It didn't help that she was tearing up herself. My grandma and I are so close.  

"Take care of my shitty car." I cackle, I actually will miss it.  

"Maybe I'll even get it fixed up for you." She grins.  

I kissed her cheek and step back, holding my two suitcase handles in each hand. This was it, I was really leaving for eight months. 

These two people have been my only family basically my whole life, and now I felt like I was leaving them behind.  

I walked backward to look at them as long as I could, holding back my tears. This was so hard, my heart couldn't take it. I felt so lost without these people. Winnie is my light and grandma is my sanity, what was I without them?  

I guess I'll find out.  

I finally turned around, walking away with my suitcases and breaking the final eye contact with my family for a long time. I shut my eyes while walking, holding back any debris of tears. I couldn't walk in on my first day with tears in my eyes, I had to be strong walking into this atmosphere I was so dreading.  

I suck back everything and nervously head to the back entrance of this warehouse. I was told to meet here near entrance 4. I didn't get further instructions from that point but I guess I'll knock and someone will let me in?