Deep Waters

Chapter Fifty-Three

Kason and I walked hand in hand down the dirt path. There was a picnic basket in my boyfriend's other hand and a content smile on both our faces. Earlier that morning, Andre told us about this path that was in their backyard. Apparently, it led to a pond that had a small, boarded doc that would be perfect for a lunch picnic. Neither of us argued at the idea. We both knew Jay's parents wanted alone time with him. And I was more than happy to have some alone time with one of my favorite guys. Having Kason here to distract me worked for both parties.

"What's on your mind, Hun?" Kason asked me, leading the way through the thickened trees.

I hummed, tightening my grip on his hand and pulling him back to be right beside me as we traveled. "What is it that you are looking for from me?" I questioned, knowing that him starting this conversation was set with a goal in mind.

"I wanna know what Jay was telling me about from you," he clarified, briefly glancing down at me. His already dark-blue eyes looked darker under the overlaying cloudy dome over us and the bare trees. "He said you seemed tired. Exhausted."

I huffed. "I've been running for my life for almost a year and a half now," I told him. "I know I said I was tired of it a long time ago, and I kept having to anyway, but I don't know how much longer I can do this," I admitted, kicking a stick away from our path. Kason stayed silent while I sighed after my words. He knew it was best to stay quiet and just listen while I talked about my thoughts. Then after everything was off my chest, he would try to reason or discuss it with me. It was one of the many things I loved about him. "...Sometimes I want him dead, Kason. I dream of killing Charles the same way he killed my mom...Does that make me a monster? Does that make me just like him?"

He stopped in his tracks and held me back with our held hands when I tried continuing forward. Setting the woven basket down at his feet, he released my hand before reaching up and cupping both my chilly cheeks in his palms. He waited until I looked him in the eyes. Only then did he start speaking. "It means you have trauma," he told me. "You've been through more the past few years than anyone should ever go through in a lifetime. You aren't a monster."

I breathed. "Okay. Is any of this my fault? How do I get the nightmares to go away?" I rolled my lips, cowering under his strong gaze for a short moment. "I close my eyes and I see you getting shot. I see everyone getting killed...Kason, sometimes I don't care if I make it out at the end of all this," I admitted to someone for the first time. "As long as you and everyone else is safe, sometimes I really don't care what happens to me."

Hurt flashed through my boyfriend's eyes as he readjusted his stance and his touch on my face. "You should," he spoke clearly, rewetting his lips. "You know why? Because all of us do. I care. Your brother cares. Everyone around you cares and wants you to make it out of this alive." He looked back and forth between my eyes. "And you will."

Looking at him sadly, I tilted my head ever so slightly. "You don't know that."

"I believe it."

"Why?"

His lips widened to a sad smile as he looked at all the details of my face. "Because I have to." Before I could protest with his words, he pressed his lips to mine, making me melt into him. This man was perfect, and I didn't deserve him. The kiss was soft; delicate. It wasn't intense, but it was at the same time because all our mutual love was in that kiss. After his lips slow danced with mine, he pulled away and had another round of taking in my features. "I love you more than anyone has ever loved anything else in this world, Delilah," Kason informed me softly.

The butterflies this man gave me were going to consume me. "Are you sure?" I asked, toying a grin on my lips. "Because I think you are claiming you love me more than I love you and I just don't think that's possible."