A Forbidden Act

Part 7 - Longing

Sharon returned to her room after she had... seperated from Tarja. It was hard for the words to form themselves in Sharon's head, let alone speak them. But it was for the best, and she truly believed it. She couldn't stay with Timo and Tarja at the same time. Someone would find out, and things would get worse. Even apart from that, marrying a man and being with his sister? No, that was wrong... She kept telling herself that, but she was only partly convinced. As she walked down the halls to her bedroom, she already felt lonely. Both women had parted just a few minutes before, but just the knowledge that they couldn't be close hurt Sharon. Doing what she liked most, she went to her room and picked up a book to read. However, she couldn't get into it. Her thoughts wouldn't stop wandering to Tarja, and how she must've been in pain after hearing Sharon's words. I hurt her. I love her and I hurt her. Sharon shook her head. No. It was for the best. For the best.

About a half hour later, there was a knock on the door. It was Sophie asking her to come to dinner. Sharon got up, placed the book back in place and took a deep breath before coming out. Tarja would be there. But she had no choice, she couldn't miss the meal with her father, mother, and the Turunens. As she walked to the dining room, she tried to think of how she would have to act before Tarja. Act normal, or embarassed...? As she got there and was politely greeted by everyone, she realised she wouldn't have to worry about it.

"Please excuse my sister, she was feeling... Unwell." Timo explained to Sharon, quickly stroking her shoulder.

Sharon knew exactly why he did so. To show he knew something, that he was in control. Every person around the table noticed of course, but they all took it for a sweet gesture. Sharon clenched her fists and repressed a shiver. She breathed in and out slowly, then smiled at Timo and sat down next to him. At least she didn't have to see Tarja. But it pained her more than it should have. She was so used to seeing those beautiful eyes staring at her from the opposite side of the table. Instead, she could see the white and stainless wall, like a something that stared at her to remind her of her actions.

Servants brought meals to the table, and poured drinks into the crystal cups. Everyone started eating after a small word from Jan, but Sharon had no appetite.

"So, how are the preparations coming along? Are you both ready for this step in your life?" Jan suddenly questioned, his loud voice echoing slightly.

"Of course we are. I, myself, cannot wait for this event."

All turned their heads towards Sharon, who was blankly staring at the wall. When she realised they were waiting for some reaction, she snapped out of it and faked a large smile.

"I, too, father. I simply cannot wait."

All were convinced, and carried on their dinner. Sharon forced herself to eat, worried that if she didn't, suspicions could arise. As she repeatedly brought the food to her mouth, all her thoughts were focused on Tarja. She knew she couldn't regret it, but it was difficult. It was difficult to stay there, seated, when she could be in the arms of the woman she loved, apologising for everything she had done. It was difficult to not burst into tears. It was difficult to not start screaming of frustration and anger. It was difficult to feel Timo so close to her. Everything was difficult and unbearable. Right at that moment, she could have been sick. But she controlled herself, as it was the duty of nobles. She ate, but it brought her no pleasure. All her senses were numbed, except for the pain in her chest, and that terrible feeling of guilt and longing.
Patiently, she acted as normal as she could until, when the meal was over, they were all dismissed
Unfortunately, she was called by her father before she could walk away. He waited until the guests were all out of the dining hall, then turned his attention towards his daughter.

"Father?" She curtsied weakly.

"Sharon..." He stroked her cheek. "What is wrong, my dear?"

"Nothing. As I said, I am a little stressed for the wedding."

There was a moment of silence as Jan thought about her response.

"Very well." he smiled. "Good luck with the preparations."

Sharon bowed slightly and walked away. Without realising where her legs were taking her, she found herself in front of Tarja's room, once again. Why? Why was she there? She didn't know. Maybe, deep inside, her heart was telling her to do something. Say something to Tarja. But she didn't have the strength. Instead, she just stood there, dull, and motionless, like a porcelain doll. After a few minutes, she started hearing whispers. They were coming from inside. She couldn't recognise the voice. But then another sound came to her ears. Faint and muffled sobs. She did recognise that voice, however. Tarja.

"T... Tarja..." she whispered, but made no move. She could also hear the other person comforting her. The brunette decided it was best not to disturb, and walked to her own room, tears rolling down her emotionless face.