Terrorcest one shots

hold me closer

A/N: so, again, in this one Nikki has been diagnosed with cancer. Nobody knows. He isn't originally dating Tommy, and he and Courtney never got together. Takes place during the recordings of the dirt soundtrack and filming of 'The Dirt'

This was a request from my friend Michelle after she read the other story involving Nikki being diagnosed with cancer, so...blame her.

Requests are open!

Late 2018, Nikki Sixx

I drag myself out of bed, feeling increasingly worse than I did the day before.

Today, we're in the studio yet again. I would be more excited, except for the fact that that means I have to face my bandmates.
Some people think that we don't get along anymore, and that's why we stopped being Mötley Crüe in 2015, but that's not the reason I'm dreading today. These reasons have nothing to do with anybody else, except for myself. So you could say, I dug myself into this mess.

The first one, is that I've been putting off telling Mick, Tommy, and Vince that I have cancer. I was diagnosed in late 2017. I refused treatment. Why? Well, I've heard that the treatment is worse than the disease at some points, and I don't want to destroy my body for something that might not even work.  Another is, I'm an old man now, I've lived a long and fufilling life, and It's not too long before I turn 60. Maybe trying to defy the inevitable is just going to cause more heart ache later on. But anyways, back to the fact that I haven't told any of my bandmates, or the cast of the dirt. I feel like, if I do, it just puts the last nail in my coffin.

It won't be long before everybody finds out. My health is on a rapid decline lately, and it seems like everyone has noticed it. Every day, I get asked questions like "Mr. Sixx are you okay?", " Nikki do you need to sit?", "Are you sure you're okay Nik? You don't look so good."

The second is because being around the guys brings up one repressed feeling in particular. My idiotic love for my drummer, Tommy Lee. I've tried to push it down for as long as possible, and I just can't seem to anymore. Tommy is like my ray of sunshine, and he's been a big help lately.

I first started having feelings for him around the Girls, Girls, Girls,  world tour, but you can imagine how that would have gone over with the happily married and incredibly straight drummer. Well, one night I wasn't thinking and...lets just say my feelings got outed by booze and drugs.

I flop down beside Tommy, taking in the afterglow of sex. My body is on fire, sweat dripping into every crevice I have. I brush my stringy hair away from my shoulders, and look at him. His chest is rising and falling rapidly, a sheen of sweat covering him, eyes open and staring right back at me. He had slammed into me with such a force I was sure I would break in half. My mind is still whirling with pleasure.

After that night, we never spoke about it again, never once mentioned the fact that we fucked, or the fact that we seemed so close. I started to develop even more of a love for Tommy, and I think the feeling was mutual. We started getting closer, spending more time together, we would fall asleep on each other, and we would have deeper conversations. All that came to an end back on December 31st 2015 at Mötley Crüe's final show. I've barely talked to any of the guys except Tommy since.

It's not that I don't like them, but life has kinda gotten in the way. We've kinda drifted. I still talk to Tommy, but it hasn't been as frequent as I would like, although I often scroll through his Instagram. Mick and Vince aren't really active there, but admittedly, I spend a lot of time on Instagram. The photographer in me loves it, and I love regularly updating it (w y o m i n g).

Life has changed a lot, but for me it hasn't been for the better. I have no idea what's wrong with me, or why I'm feeling so shitty lately. But I know I have to get up and get to the filming of the dirt/rehearsal for a couple new Mötley Crüe songs. Some fans may be disappointed that we aren't releasing a full album, but I'm just happy to be back in the studio with the guys.