The Start of Time

Chapter 17

(Trigger warning: sexual harassment)

Sometimes flashbacks are harder to relive than the actual event itself. Adrenaline usually kicks in, so your body doesn't have a chance to process the emotional side of it all other than fight or flight.

Our voices echoing throughout my small apartment plays on repeat in my head. The perfect beginning of laughter and love.

"Damn, you're beautiful," he whispers before kissing me passionately, kicking the door shut with his foot. His knee catches the arm of my short couch, and we go tumbling onto the cushions in a fit of laughter.

"Do you really want six kids?" I ask, still giggling.

"Nah, three will do, just as long as we have some to spoil."

"I'm too selfish to have a child. I might want to keep you all to myself."

"Mary-Kelton," he replies, shaking his head. "You're the most selfless person I know. I can't imagine anyone making a better mother than you."

"Have you ever thought about adoption? With the world as crazy as it is, wouldn't you rather save one that's already here than bring another one into it?"

"You make a fair point, Ms. Reynolds. However, the verdict is still a little version of you running around my house."

"The verdict?" I ask, twisting my head up towards him. "What if I don't want any kids at all. Does my opinion on the subject even matter?"

"Well, of course it does. I just think we need to have a few more conversations about it, that's all."

"Every discussion we have on any real issues turns into a case with you. I don't want to be seen as something to be won over. I want to be your equal in everything. I want to have genuine discussions where we listen to and respect each other's dreams, figuring out how to collaborate and make the best decision for both of us."

"But I want to make your dreams, my dreams. I can change. I promise. We can wait however long you need."

"You shouldn't have to change your dreams for someone. If you're meant to be, then it will work out on its own. I shouldn't have to give up what I want to do and neither should you."

His expression twists as he pulls himself up off the couch, running his hand over his face. I didn't expect him to enjoy this type of conversation, but the newfound rage brewing in his eyes leaves an uneasy feeling in my stomach. He hasn't done anything crazy, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit afraid.

"I loved you with all my heart, and this is what you give me in return. You could have had the world, but instead you have to be selfish." His loud voice bounces off the walls, vibrating my ear drum.

It's funny how often he contradicts himself. I'm the most selfless person he knows, and then suddenly, I can't have the world because I'm selfish.

"Jordan, I think you should go. We both need some time to calm down."

He storms off, slamming the door behind him while I sink back down into the couch. How many of the charming words that flow from his mouth are actually true because between all the contradictions I can't tell?

I didn't want to piss him off. I wanted this to work. On paper, we're nearly perfect for each other.

All I really wanted was for him to see something from my point of view for once. I don't want to be seen as someone to be convinced. I want to be seen as his equal, his sounding board, the love of his life. I want him to know that I'm willing to give things up for him, but I expect the same in return.