The Start of Time

Chapter 47

They say goodbyes are never easy, but I didn't realize how hard it would be to tell Gigi, Amelia, and Oliver goodbye.

I can already see the little tears well up in that sweet boy's eyes as he runs towards me and Declan. "Do you really have to go?"

"I promise we will see you super soon. You still have to show me all about his you defeated Green Goblin."

He nods while Amelia prys him from us into her arms.

"If you ever need a babysitter, I expect Declan and I to be first on your list. We're only like forty minutes away."

"Be careful what you wish for." She laughs.

"Take care of him," Gigi whispers in my ear, hugging me tightly.

"I promise."

"I'll hold you to it." She turns back to hug Declan, Chris, and Hailey before watching us all pull out of the driveway.

It's been such a sweet Christmas, so it's hard to understand why this is happening right now.

I feel like I'm losing it.

Subconscious breathing is no longer an option. Every intake feels like I'm lifting the weight of the world on my chest. I can hear my heartbeat inside my brain as the blood pulses throughout my body. The goosebumps on my arm merely a clever disguise for the heat of panic radiating within me.

Just shut up you idiot.

Turn your brain off.

People feel like this all the time. You're just weak, and you can't handle it. So, stop thinking about it, and calm down like any normal person would.

You're just riding home with your boyfriend after a wonderful vacation There's no chaos awaiting you. The world isn't going to end. There's no impending doom awaiting your arrival. You just worked an extra long shift, and you're tired.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Slow and steady.

It's just another anxiety attack. You're going to be fine.

Declan looks over at me and smiles, reaching over to grab my hand. When his eyes meet mine and I force what I hope is a smile, his smile drops. "Is everything okay? Mary-Kelton, what's wrong?"

I lean my head back against the head rest, closing my eyes and taking long, deep breaths, cursing myself for forgetting my medicine these past few days.

"Baby, are you sick? Do we need we need to stop? I can—"

"Declan," I cut him off abruptly, pulling my hands from his. "Just give me a second. You're only making it worse."

He opens his mouth, but hesitates before gently squeezing my hand as I close my eyes, shifting to pull my feet beneath me.

Five things I can see—Declan, my new marvel mug in the cup holder, the trees outside my window, a red car, a cloud shaped like a turtle.

Four things I can touch—my phone, the warm seat of Declan's car, the Cartier ring on my finger, and the pen I accidentally left in my pocket.

Three things I can hear—the breath leaving my lungs, a car honking across the highway, the music on the radio.

Two things I can smell—Bad Boy cologne and the lingering scent of coffee.

One thing I can taste—Declan's lips against mine.

I smile softly, resting my forefinger on my lips. Maybe he doesn't make it worse after all.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, resting my head on my fist with my elbow on the middle console, pulling his free hand back towards me.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. I was just worried about you."

"Sometimes I just get this panicky feeling, like the world as we know it is about to end. It just comes and goes whenever it pleases, but it's been a long time since it's been this bad. If I can calm myself down enough, it eventually goes away. The faster the better."

"That sounds awful."

"Yeah, but it's okay. I can handle it. It's just been a while."

"I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry? If anything, you're the reason I don't have them as often as I used to. I figured I'd have quite a few more after the whole thing with Jordan, but you were always there to help me fight off the panic attacks and nightmares."

"And I promise I'll always be there to help you fight these, too."

He leans over to kiss my forehead, and I close my eyes as my heart rate slowly decreases back to normal.

While it wasn't exactly helpful at first, I'm glad Declan is here now, seeing yet another side of me that doesn't always show itself. And he's completely understanding about this newly added flaw.

"We've still got an hour or two. Why don't you get some sleep?"

The drone of the heater and his gentle grip on my thigh lull me to sleep until Declan is whispering, "we're here," and nearly having to drag me out of the car.

"Hey, LenLen," I tease, climbing out and grabbing my things. "Can you pull that big suitcase out of the back? It's kind of heavy."

"I will if you never call me that again." Without me even asking, he carries it all the way up, smiling as he unlocks the door with his key.

"Are you feeling better? "

"Completely."

"Are you sure? If there's anything—"

"Babe, I am absolutely fine now." I leave a soft peck on his jawline before sliding my hands down his chest.

"Good."

I still don't use it very often unless it just slips, but it's nice to use at times like these when I need it.

He smirks, dropping our bags hit the floor, slamming the door behind us, and lifting me up off the ground until my legs wrap around his waist.

"Don't get me wrong. I love Oliver and my mother," he says between kisses, "but I really miss being able to touch whenever I want."

"Declan, it's only been like two days."

"Two long miserable days." He sucks gently on the soft spot below my ear until a soft moan leaves my lips.

"One of those days was Christmas." I breath softly barely managing to hold it together.

"Okay," he huffs, stopping to look into my eyes, "two happy, miserable days. Now if you wouldn't mind shutting up, I'd like to fuck you now."

I nod quickly before tangling my fingers in his hair and pulling his lips back to mine.

I couldn't get enough of him.

I was tired. I was sore. I was drug induced groggy. I was mentally and physically exhausted, but I didn't care.

I didn't want to sleep any longer.

All I wanted was him. I wanted the ache, the hunger, the fulfillment.

He dropped me down on the bed, quickly pulling his clothes off before ripping my leggings down my legs. Leaving little kisses along my thighs before making his way back up to my lips.

I held him just long enough to slip it in, pushing him deeper, using my hips to grind into every thrust. Fucking like it has been months instead of two days. Flipping me over to take me from behind until I push back, forcing him into me.

Rocking the whole room until we're exhausted, disregarding any damage to the neighbors who would most likely just smile at us tomorrow morning.

He pulls our warm, naked bodies together until we're intertwined as one, gently raking his fingers through my hair, lulling me into blissful sleep.

"Goodnight, Princess."