monster (boyxboy)

I hate me! 26

NOLAN pov

After that night, I slowly got back to loving him so much; yes, he hurt me, but he said he would never do it again. I believe him, sometimes I want to get away, so I go to one of the many rooms in this big house. I hide from him, and I hide my emotions from myself. I still have this immense happiness in me, but something feels so different like I know this isn't what it should be, but I'm happy! He's happy! That's all it matters... right?

I lay outside with my head in the grass. I can feel the heat it my face from the bright sun. God, this feels so good. I sit here for as long as I can before he comes home; he doesn't know I sit out here; it's been three months since the night I realized I loved him, and he loved me. I haven't tried to leave, and I haven't tried to go home. I'm home. I ran inside and closed the door behind me; I open the oven to take out the chicken I cooked for him just like how he loves it; I set everything up on the kitchen table I sit and wait usually he's home now where he is?                                                  I wake up with the front door open, and I look over at the clock 12:30 am? Is it been five hours? I must have fallen asleep, and he walks into the kitchen " why are you still up? What is this shit? Could you clean it up and go to bed? I don't feel like seeing your face!" He said with his voice meaner than usual. I look and see hickeys I didn't give him then I look and see lipstick on his shirt he saw me looking at him " what?" he said looking at me " oh these I fucked a blonde hair bitch with big tits" I looked at him in shock why? Why would he love me so much butch cheat on me! I-I hate him! How dear he do this to me! I need to calm down; maybe I did something; oh yeah, it was my fault! He walks up to me " are you gonna say something about it? Please do. I'll beat the shit out of you, I promise you that!" why is he so mad? What did I do? " now I'm going to say this one more time clean this shit up and go upstairs. I have a bitch coming over, and I don't want you to mess it up!"

" But I cooked for-" he slaps me; I fall off my chair, he told me he would never do that again. Did he lie to me? Why? Then he cheats on me, and I feel like it's my fault? I fell in love with him, and this is what I get? At that moment, I remember myself I became a man I never thought I would; he made me like this oh my God, who am I. I need to go home. I have no idea what I was thinking, and I lost myself. I almost start crying. I could have left so many times, but I stayed. I have Stockholm syndrome; oh my fucking God, I can't believe this. I can not have Stockholm syndrome, not me. I'm smart enough to know not to fall in love with him..... Shit, I fell in love with him. I can't believe this. I'm so fucked; at least I know Marcus is waiting for me out there. I hope he's ok; he snaps his fingers in my face," are you fucking going or not?" He yells in my face; I slowly get off the floor. I knew this wasn't right; I knew this didn't feel like it was supposed to be; I know I was going crazy. Now it's time to figure out how to get the fuck out of here. I have keys to all the doors, so no matter what I can leave, I will wait until tonight when he's with that girl I'll go; he would never know; I feel happy I found myself. Still, I feel so sad why I don't love him; it was just all in my mind, god, I need help, I need my family, my best friend I get to my room. I get right to work. I make a small bag with clothes and some cash I have found around the house. I only have 500, but that should be enough. I will be free no matter what; I will be free from the monster! I sit on my bed and wait for the right time

I can hear him and the girl laughing; it's making me sad but so so happy it's 3 in the morning. I can finally listen to them calm down, and I open my door slow I look around and see there are no lights on and no one. I start speed walking down the hallway making so I don't make a sound. I get to the back door, and I try to open it, and he kept it unlocked. I started running for my life, making sure no one was at the door or around me. I kept running and running until I couldn't feel my legs, then kept going until I made it to the city. I look around to see if I could figure out where I was; my God, I'm in Mississippi! I'm so far from home! I looked around again and saw there was a motel. I walk into the front desk and see the lady looks a little shocked to see me there was a mirror next to the counter. God, I don't even recognize myself. I'm so skinny I look so sweaty and dirty from running around. I look almost dead. My hair is so long he liked it that my glasses are cracked, and I look unhealthy " umm, honey, are you ok? Do you need something?" The lady asked me, " umm can I get a room for tonight?" I asked, looking down at my hands " yeah, sure, no problem," she said happily. I pull out 100 dollars to give it to her; she shakes her head, " this night is on me. You look like you been through hell" she laughs I also laugh because she's right

She gave me the key, and I'm walking to the room. Wow, I'm free. I'm so open. Please, god, I hope it stays like this. I unlocked the door then lock it quickly to make sure no one can get in. I put my bag down and go straight to the shower. I take off my clothes so slowly my body hurts so bad from running that much                                I get out my body feels so healthy I feel so good I walk so quickly and lay down I almost falling asleep, but I'm afraid so so scared but my body doesn't care before I can stop myself I passed out I hope this won't be like last time god please no

Hi everyone, I hope you like this chapter. I'm so sorry its been so long, but I'm back!!!