Once Upon A Time, Jungkook

14. Ridding Horses (2.0)

Jungkook lays beside me, holding my hand.

"You know...there was this poem...this, it's...about spring which comes ridding on a horse...I just can't remember it..."

No matter how hard I try, I can't remember that beautiful poem about how the spring comes to earth, while riding a horse, from the sky.

I can't remember it for the life of me. I can't remember who's the author and when I have read it. Maybe it was still when I was in preschool, that's why I can only remember certain words. No way you could make a poem out if it but that doesn't matter.

The memory and feeling of those beautiful words is so moving and special that I can't resist the moment and talk nonsense.

Who even cares about poetry these days?

It was nice that Jungkook stayed silent, deep in thought and didn't make fun of me for such cheesiness.

"Hey" suddenly he sits up and looks ahead. "Have you thought about telling your father everything?"

"Everything what? What are you on about?"

"About the money...and about everything else. About how it all happened"

Again about the same shit? What's gotten into him?

"Have you seriously gone mad?"

"No"

Jungkook's idea truly seems insane to me. How the hell can he suggest such a thing again?!

Everything that happened I could tell to anyone else, just not my father. I don't even know how he would react. I can't even imagine it.

"Why don't you want to do it? What are you so scared of?" Jungkook looks at me. His eyes are serious and I can tell that he's not joking about this.

"What do you mean 'why'? I don't want to and that's all! ...just not to my father"

Jungkook lays back down and stays silent. He thinks for a while then - speaks up again:

"Are you going to live like this?"

I stay silent like a filthy coward.

"You see, sometimes we make horrible mistakes. We don't know a lot and we can't understand a lot. We miss our chance, you know? Yeah, you don't trust your father, but he's the only one you can tell that to, am I right? Only he can free you from all of this. Only parents can truly help their kids. No matter what happens. Those words, are not mine. It's my uncle's. He always says: if only kids would understand that their parents are ready to solve all their problems. To die for them and then come back to life - the earth would spin two times slower"

"I don't understand"

"Neither do I"

I stay silent after that. I still don't agree with Jungkook.

To tell everything to my father?
He probably wouldn't do it too.

It's easy to say: tell him everything. He doesn't know my father. Even I - don't know him. That's why I can't do what he's suggesting.

"Do as you want" he says. "If you're afraid - don't tell him anything"

We stay silent for some time, again. Maybe even for half an hour. Then - it's my turn to ask him something:

"Have you ever done something in your life, that you didn't want to do at all? And later on - you couldn't explain as to why you did it?"

"Of course" Jungkook answered without any hesitation. "If you want to know - many times. Sometimes I don't even recognise myself. As if - I'm no longer me"

"You're lying!" it's hard for me to believe.

But Jungkook's face is serious. More serious than any other time I have seen it before.

"Sometimes I feel this great force inside of me and it pushes me to act not like I should, not like it's acceptable... It's something, something very wonderful but scary at the same time... Like you would be standing at the steepest cliff or the tallest mountain's edge and you just want to jump off. Dive head first down... And just let it be however it will be. Just let it be!"

Jungkook's eyes are on fire. Even through his words are confusing to me, I strongly feel that feeling he's talking about. It's like - it floods me. From Jungkook's words it travels to my body and it gets terrifying how such feeling controls you with all it's might and it's bravery.

Now I understand what Jungkook was talking about.

Now I also want to do something that's...

Something that hurts, enchants, boils your blood, gets your adrenaline pumping. Something that makes you feel your pulse in your brains...

But what would that be?

But it seems as if Jungkook has already forgotten his words because he's back on his phone. Clearly not wanting to talk anymore.

So we lay next to each other in silence. I close my eyes and enjoy the weather. It seems like hours pass and then - I hear Jungkook seductively whisper in my ear:

"I want to do something crazy..."

And so we do.