Once Upon A Time, Jungkook

18. Exam

When I open up my eyes again, I see my father, at the end of the bed.

It really is my father!

He's sitting on a old chair, next to the window and he's looking out the window. His face is skinnier than I remember and it's more pale or grey than normal.

The little hair spikes on his chin and cheeks show that he hasn't shaved in a while.

He has probably just gotten out of work. But he's wearing a clean blouse from home and clean pants. No uniform.

When he noticed that I'm no longer sleeping, he smiles and asks kindly:

"You're awake? How are you feeling?"

That's not what he wants to tell me. It's truly not what he wants to tell me.

I can see it in his eyes. I can read in between the lines, as if I'm simply watching a TV show. That horrible announcement is for me.

Jungkook is gone.

That's what he wants to tell me, but doesn't know how. And he doesn't need to. All I needed was to look into his eyes. To look at his unshaved face, pale and greyish face to understand it all.

Jungkook is gone.

And for once, Spring,
You will come back bravely,
Oh lovely, Spring,
You won't find me here no more...

I can't handle it and grab my head.

Why are those words so intrusive?! Why are they in my head, following me?!
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?

Oh, Jungkook!

I know that I won't be able to control myself. That I will scream and that something horrible will happen. Maybe I'll even go insane. It was like I got a strong hit in the guts and I'm not able to stand back up.

Why such a low life like has to live?
I'm so weak and pathetic.

Suddenly I feel my father's hands on my shoulders. They firmly squeeze my shoulders. Takes them and lifts them up. The horror slowly fades away and backs off.

It's like I come back to my senses. And even after that - I still feel confused.

It feels so weird seeing him here, in the hospital. I silently stay surprised and keep on asking myself why my father is here, with me. He's supposed to be somewhere else.

Work is waiting for him. He's always so busy. Hard and confusing cases always chase after him.

And now? Now he's sitting in the hospital, next to his son, where worthless time passes by. It's all worthless. And he's sitting here - not doing anything.

He's looking at me with a sad and pitying expression. Horror and suffering hides behind those eyes.

He's trying to hide it but it's not so easy. And I can feel it. I can feel all of those words that he hasn't said. They all are here, around us.

It seems like something is squishing my head. Like a heavy steel cloud landed right on it.

It's so heavy that it's impossible to endure it.