Once Upon A Time, Jungkook

20. Who I Am

I passed all my exams. I didn't do great but my parents didn't say anything to me about it, even though I felt that they weren't too happy.

As always, they thought that I could do better but there was no reproaches and I didn't dwell on it too much. I didn't feel any guilt and I didn't take responsibility for what could've happened.

But I successfully got a job at a summer camp. I will finally be able to give back those 403259¥ to my parents.

I swore to myself - that I will live differently. In a way that will seem right to me. And I will act in ways that I won't regret.

I know for sure - that I don't want to play the piano.

And I will get married only when I'm madly in love. I mean - head over heels, crazy in love. Even if I haven't finished my studies. Even if that someone isn't Jungkook...

It will take time for my parents to understand that I want to write my own story. A story in which there's Jungkook, Hoseok, Yoongi and everyone else.

Now I know that I will need to come back to the same words, thoughts and people many more times, if I want to find myself. It's inevitable.

Always moving forward but also taking steps back. Because something stays there, in the past, and we need to come back and get it.

Because only going back makes a person, similar to a house, which is built from scratch.

Today is the last day of the school year. Behind the school's door awaits summer. I will open them and...

What's going to happen then?
What's waiting for me?
Will I just go into it's arms as if nothing happened?
Is that even possible...?

"Taehyung!"

I turn around.

"Wait for me, Taehyung!"

Jimin is shouting and running towards me. I just wait for him. He catches up to me and we just stand there for a bit.

"Listen, Jimin..." I start and don't know how to finish. Jimin became my friend after Jungkook's death. I don't know what I should tell him.

It may sound stupid - but I want to cry. I want to cry because life is so unfair. I want to cry out of happiness that I'm alive and that I can love.

My heart rises out of my chest and flies away like a free bird. Music starts to play in my ears. I just listen to it.

"You know, Taehyung..." he starts and we walk to sit on a bench, in the school's garden.

"What is it?" I ask.

We just look at each other and start laughing. For no reason at all. I smile at the thought of Jungkook and I remembered all the times we spent together.

I feel nice.

Later on in the day - I get on my motorcycle, put on my helmet and drive to the field me and Jungkook were in, on my birthday. I lay down on the ground, my face facing the sky.

I think back to the cemetery and somewhere in there, deep down into the cemetery, lies Jungkook. In between two cherry blossoms. There's invisible chirping birds in the sky and little horse shaped clouds slowly pass by.

I'm so stupid...no.
Jungkook is not there. He's not laying in a wooden casket. He's not under a grey gravestone, even though his name is engraved in it. He's not there.

I see Jungkook. He's riding horses, there, in between the snow white clouds. Somewhere there, behind that willow.

His hair is blinding, like a golden helmet. He's perfect at riding a horse. He lied about never riding a horse before, that he never tried it.

I outstretch my hand into the sky, while laying on my back, just like Jungkook once did. I'm not even doubting that he sees me right now.

And here - he stops his horse, which is made from the clouds, for a moment. He looks down and smiles at me. Smiles with his adorable bunny smile.

Just for a second.

"I guess it just wasn't meant to be... I'll see you soon, loser..."

...

"I love you."

...

I am Kim Taehyung and I am a whole new person.

THE END.

(Inspired by a song)

The story is dedicated to guoda159