You Can't Save Me (Ongoing Updates)

Is it I Who Struggles?

           Adrien held his hand over Marinette's chest for a while, as soon as his hand could sink into her soft skin she'd be gone and the suffering would be over. Adrien still couldn't bring himself to flat out end the teen's life. The more the leather-clad boy looked down at his friend, his partner, his throat felt clogged as if he needed to swallow a thick syrupy substance. He pulled his hand away and gripped his wrist with his safe hand, pacing the room. If he touched her chest there was a big chance that there would be nothing left of her for her parents to bury. He sat down and recited the well-known phrase. "Plagg, claws in."

As the cat boy shifted once again to his helpless self he realized just how pathetic he was acting. He almost killed the bluenette laying just feet from him. His green eyes sinking down to his hands in shame, he almost became a murderer today. What solace would death bring Marinette? It would only prove everything she said to be true, that they would all be happier without her. Maybe they were the monsters she had made them out to be. He buried his handsome face into his hands only to have the space invaded by her parents rushing in and startling him to his feet. He could not bear to look at the grief-stricken faces of Mr. and Mrs. Dupain-Chang. Her mother looked absolutely destroyed, her whole world came crashing down once she heard the news of her daughter's nearly fatal accident. All her pent-up rage directing itself onto the teen boy.

"YOU! This is your fault! If my daughter had never met a selfish, spoiled little boy like you she would've- could've been happy." She went to approach the boy, possibly to slap him only to pause and sob more, sinking further into an unsavable depression. Tom seemed to pull his wife into his chest and gave Adrien a knowing look, a look that said leave and never come back here. He knew that his place as part of the Dupain-Chang household would be damaged forever if he did not find a way to fix this, to fix Marinette. But what Adrien didn't understand is that what was wrong could not be fixed, people weren't made to be fixed. He might have been the smartest boy within his group of peers but he was off by leagues when it came to emotional intelligence. Adrien picked himself up from his chair sullenly and sulked out of the pristine white hospital room and through the noisy halls that were filled with panicked nurses and doctors. He continued like this until he was back onto the rainy streets of Paris where people were too busy running for cover to notice the model's appearance.

In rain as heavy as this, he was soaked in a matter of seconds, his soggy clothes feeling like an extra weight on his shoulders that threatened to weaken his knees and send him crashing into the cobblestone streets. Sobs erupted from his throat yet he could not hear himself and was only aware of his painful tears once they fogged his vision and made it hard for him to navigate the now colorless world he lived in. When exactly did the color leave his life? Was there ever color there at all? Adrien found himself pondering if he even deserved to live in such a wondrous world. Maybe he was the cause of everyone in his life and leaving him, first his mother and now Marinette.

He thought of once more shifting to his superhero persona and clearing his head but those ideas quickly left him as the brights of a car blinded him. Soon what followed was a stern voice, one he quickly recognized as his father. For once his father seemed concerned with what was best for his son but where was that care when Adrien needed it? Where was the father that should've taught him emotional capability, he'd not been even worthy to be called a father since his mother vanished. He heard his father call his name and drone on but Adrien couldn't make out a thing he was saying, drowning out his words with how little he cared for the pale-haired man. He simply turned around and began walking the other way, his green eyes trained on the ground and he began running away, the loud screaming of his name only encouraging him. He didn't want to be Adrien Agreste anymore, he wanted to be human.

With no hesitation he darted into the street, narrowly avoiding cars, and vanished into an alleyway to become the beloved Chat Noir, his wet clothes now covered in water-resistant faux leather. Once fully transformed his shaft hit the ground and extended, violently propelling him into the air so he could hop across the rooftops of Paris as someone else. He would admit it was freeing to be Chat Noir, it was everything Plagg ever promised it would be, but most of all it was an escape. One could even compare it to an unhealthy coping mechanism. Whenever things went wrong he seemed to run to his alter ego and forget who he truly was as he envied families like Marinette's.

Flinging his body across rooftops made him feel powerful, unstoppable. Everyone loved Chat Noir because he was a hero, while everyone loved Adrien Agreste for being rich and above the average in everything he did. But he was simply a glass doll who lived in a glass prison, the ever-looming threat that was outside almost never allowed itself to be forgotten as his father reminded him daily that he was different, he was special. The truth was Adrien wasn't special, he was trained and conditioned to be perfect, a sight his father could stand to look at.

As Chat's feet landed against one of the many rooftops in Paris he stumbled, falling down so quickly that the weight almost felt like the world crushing him as the wind was torn from his lungs. Yet he didn't move, he just laid there, letting the rain make its angered assault on him, pelting him for his mistakes and shortcomings. "I am the Monster."