Like Gold

13.

13. 

I PULLED AT A LOOSE PIECE OF THREAD that dangled off the wrist of my jumper. My cold, shaking fingers grabbed at it once, twice, before finally catching it. I twisted it around my finger and with a single hard tug, I ripped it from the fabric.

"Jas, are you listening?"

I blinked, lifting my head to meet Piper's eyes. She frowned at me and her brows wrinkled – not out of annoyance. No, I knew that look. It had become engrained into my life – etched on the faces of everyone around me, shifting whenever I passed, whenever the wrong words slipped from my lips, whenever my smile wavered.

It was worry. Pity.

"Sorry, what was it?"

She released a short breath of annoyance and for a moment I thought she would push it – ask if I was okay, ask if I should go home instead of being at school today. Maybe she'd mention Amber instead of pretending she never existed for once.

But instead, she shook her head and said, "I was talking about that new K-Drama I'm watching, remember? I think you'd really like it."

"Really?" I hummed distantly, my eyes drifting back to my sleeve. Why were there so many loose threads? My fingers shook as I took another thread between my bitten nails, tugging at it half-heartedly.

"Yeah," Piper said uncertainly. "It's really cute."

I hummed in response, twisting the thread around my finger, trying to focus on the way it felt cutting into my skin, turning the flesh white.

After my mini breakdown yesterday, I'd been too exhausted to be embarrassed. My mind was full. My head was spinning. I had so many thoughts that I couldn't concentrate on a single one.

So, instead, I decided to forget it all. Forget that a year ago, today, Amber released her last breath trapped beneath metal beside me. Forget the sad look my mother gave me whenever I walked into the room. Forget the way Piper had changed her tone around me, changed the things we spoke about after she saw me lying in that hospital bed, emotionless.

Forget everything except Jace's arms around me. The quiet between us. That comfortable warmth he carried with him.

He didn't push. He didn't pity. He only listened with that understanding silence I'd come to miss since I'd lost Amber. And talking about her – actually putting all those memories and dreams and thoughts into words. Actually hearing them in the air around me and watching Jace react – not with sadness or worry, but with a smile – it had been different.

Different compared to how stifling West Mormet had become since Amber died that night.

I realised, with a start, how silent Piper and I had fallen, and I glanced at her face to find her staring past me, her brow wrinkled, and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.

"What –" before I could finish my question, a hand rested on my shoulder. I turned, my heart jumping slightly in surprise, to find Hugh standing beside me.

"Hugh," I said, staggering back, hating the feeling of his hand on me. "Hi."

"Hey, listen." He frowned, patting me awkwardly. "Sorry about Amber, Ali."

Oh.

Four simple words, yet a chill ran down my spine. I felt as if I'd been dunked in freezing water. My mouth turned dry and suddenly I couldn't breathe. I wished I could breathe.

He murmured something I couldn't hear before patting my back again and drifting away in silence, glancing at me over his shoulder with a pitiful look when he reached the end of the hallway.